Fleurs Captives (Joshler)

67. Bay Leaf

Bay Leaf:
meaning- I change but in death

***Trigger warnings for PTSD, depression, mentions of medication, the retelling of a violent folktale, mentions of violence, and mentions of past abuse.***

Start the song. It's Cursive by Billie Marten.

Josh didn't leave his bed for anything but using the bathroom for a week. He missed all of his classes and didn't go to practice. He just remained wrapped up in blankets, staring at the wall in front of him as he slipped in and out of flashbacks, and failed repeatedly at avoiding nightmares. It was almost like Josh had never left Papa's house at all. He was a ruin, and he didn't know how to cope with it.

Every single day, Tyler spent the night with him. He would hold Josh and promise him that he was safe, and Josh would try to believe him. He didn't though. He didn't know how to believe it.

Jenna climbed into bed with Josh whenever Tyler had to leave for classes. She never asked questions. She just understood, and Josh was grateful for that. Still, he wanted Tyler there more than anyone else. Despite how unsafe he felt at any given time, he at least knew that Tyler would protect him if he were here.

At the moment, Tyler was stroking the short, greasy hair that was beginning to grow from Josh's scalp as he recounted everything he'd learned in his classes. It was pretty lucky for Josh that Tyler was majoring in psychology because he always seemed to know what was going on with Josh. He knew how to help him, even if the assistance was minimal.

"Tyler, why is this happening to me right now?" Josh whispered when Tyler ran out of material to teach Josh.

Tyler sighed. "I don't know. It could be because this is your first time being home after experiencing abuse this time around, and your body thinks it needs to cope in the same way it did last time," Tyler offered. "Or it could be that your stress and anxiety have been piling up for so long that your body is finally shutting down to process it. Stress does that."

Josh nodded slightly. "Ty, how do I make this stop?" He whispered.

His boyfriend hesitated before saying, "I think talking about it could help. Getting out of bed, taking a shower, and getting out of the house might work. You always feel better when you exercise, so that's a good option."

Josh's eyelids slipped shut. "Ty, I'm losing my mind."

"Well, I don't think you're going to find it in here. You've been trying for a week," Tyler pointed out.

In lieu of a response, Josh pulled Tyler's arms around himself and rested his head on Tyler's chest. He kept his eyes closed until he started to become afraid of what he might see behind them, and then he stared at the sleeve of Tyler's yellow hoodie instead.

It seemed as though Tyler was content just to hold Josh for a while, but only a few minutes passed before his boyfriend told him, "Your mom said you've been talking in your sleep. They couldn't figure out what you were saying until this morning, and you were telling some weird story about-"

"The Juniper Tree," Josh interrupted. "I know. Papa used to read it to me a lot. I keep dreaming about it."

"He never read me that one," Tyler replied quietly. "What is it?"

Josh tangled his fingers with Tyler's as he stared at the wall in front of him. "There were a man and a woman who wanted a child more than anything, but they couldn't have one. Every day, they would sit under their juniper tree and pray for a baby. The woman got cut somehow and bled on the roots of the tree, and then she started to get sick. It turned out that she was pregnant. She had a baby boy, and she was so excited when she saw him for the first time that she died, so her husband remarried to a woman who had a daughter."