Fleurs Captives (Joshler)

63. American Cudweed

American Cudweed:
meaning- unceasing remembrance

***Trigger warning for PTSD.***

Start the song. It's Head in the Snow by Ásgeir.

After a month of being Tyler's boyfriend again, they fell into a comfortable routine. Josh hadn't realized how badly he'd needed one until they'd already unconsciously created one.

Whenever one of them had a morning class, they both woke up for it so they could spend some time together in the morning. On Fridays, since neither of them had classes until one, they generally either slept in or spent the morning in bed doing other things. Their schedules lined up so they could always have lunch together, which they ate at Tyler's apartment. They ate dinner together too, but they couldn't eat until after Josh got home from football practice at seven o'clock. Then they did their homework together on the couch before going to bed. Whether or not they fooled around together before they went to sleep depended on the type of day they'd had, but it became pretty consistent that Tyler was always the one who topped unless Josh requested otherwise. Josh had only done that once, and he'd changed his mind halfway through.

During the entire first month of their relationship, Josh didn't have a single nightmare. He didn't think about Jon. He didn't feel like That Kid from the News. He just felt...safe. He felt comfortable. He felt taken care of, and he felt capable of caring for Tyler as well. This was, without a doubt, the healthiest relationship Josh had ever been in, and he was just as much in love with that fact as he was with Tyler.

Tonight, Josh's mind and body were both in post-orgasm bliss, and he was slowly drifting off to sleep against Tyler's chest. His limbs were heavy with exhaustion from school, football, and his night with Tyler. Tyler was just on the borderline of falling asleep, his breaths slowly starting to drift to something reminiscent of snores as his tired hand rubbed Josh's back with lazy movements.

The room was dark apart from the comforting stars stuck up on Tyler's ceiling. Josh had learned that his boyfriend spent the nights he couldn't sleep reconfiguring the stars on his ceiling into different constellations. Right now they had Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, placed right beside Gemini. Gemini always remained. It was like a safety blanket for Josh, so Tyler never touched it.

Josh whined tiredly when Tyler shifted him slightly. "Your hair was tickling me," Tyler murmured, already half asleep.

"Hair?" Josh mumbled back sleepily. "Shaved, Ty."

"Nnmmm," Tyler grumbled out in disagreement. "Tickling me."

Josh lifted his tired arm grouchily, touching the top of his head just barely. It scared a squeak out of Tyler when Josh suddenly shot out of the bed, tugging at the short curls atop his head as he went straight for the bathroom, digging through Tyler's drawers frantically until he found an electric razor.

"Josh, what's going on?" Tyler asked fearfully, and Josh heard the bedsprings groan as Tyler hurriedly climbed out of bed too.

Josh didn't respond, plugging the razor in and turning it on. Tyler stood in the doorway, watching in absolute dismay as Josh started to shave his head. Tyler looked over at the clock on the wall before looking back to his boyfriend, who was starting to hyperventilate as he shaved away swipe after swipe of traitorous hair. He couldn't be Juniper again. He was just starting to feel safe. He couldn't go through that again.

"Hey, sit on the toilet lid. I'll shave it for you. You're going to hurt yourself," Tyler coaxed softly.

Josh was sobbing as he handed the razor to Tyler, who turned it off as he helped Josh to sit down on the closed toilet lid. He stroked Josh's face softly, crouching down to look him in the eye.