If Only I Were You

Ch.8

Poem/Quote of the day:

I'd never tell you to be selfless,
People will just take advantage

So I'm telling you to be selfish

-Ramlah Ibrahim Maigari

Chapter Eight:

AFEERAH'S P.O.V

After i made sure they had all left, i hit the dumpster open and scrambled out. My clothes getting torn in the process.

I didn't know where to head to first, so I took my time and sobbed my heart out.

By the time I was done crying, I walked to the tools room which was just behind the dumpster.

The dumpster in which i was evilly thrown in. I dumpster in which i saw rats and...

Things I don't want to ever remember.

The tools room held a lot of things. I didn't go there to get anything, I just wanted to be away from the cruel people in this world.

But then i heard some noises from the dumpster. I peeked from the window and i saw Sahla and Sahal.

What did they want? To humiliate me the more? To beat me up again?

I've had it. I've had it with Sahla.

I've had it with Sahal.

I've had it with my life. They left and i turned to look around but my eyes caught a shining butchers knife which was kept on a table, lime it was waiting for me to get it.

At that time, my mind didn't have control, it was my heart.

How i took the knife and went into the school, I don't know.

How i entered the Janitor's closet, i dont know.

All i knew was that I was tired.

Taking off my hijab and removing my hair band, i stared at the knife.

The knife that was begging me to use it.

Trust me I wanted to die, i really did but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

So i just slit my wrists. It was painful but at the same time the pain i felt was pleasurable. It was ravishing.

Satisfying.

I just lay there as i watched myself bleed.

My blood slowly getting away.

But ofcourse, someone had to open the door.

Someone with the name Sahla.

I never thought I'd say this but I didn't care. I didn't care if she scolded me or embarrassed me or even beat me up again.

I didn't care.

"What do you think your-" she started but i cut her off.

"Is it so hard to be happy? Why can't I be happy in my life?" I stumbled. Normal Afeerah wouldn't dare to cut Sahla off but right noe I didn't care at all. It didn't matter.

"How dare you cut me-" i cut me off again.

"Sahla it's alright. I'm tired. I'm tired of this messed up world. You know dying is much better than living in this wicked world. I don't want to live anymore, just leave me alone. I have had it! if I have to live like this then its better to die." I laughed a kind of empty laugh. A laugh that just seemed fake and broken.

She just stared at me without talking.

"It's better to die." I said pointing the knife at my chest.

It's time. I kept on saying in my mind. But I couldn't bring myself to thrust the knife into my chest.

I dropped it and it made a loud clang when it hit the floor.

They kept staring at me then the knife. Sahal made a swift move to grab the knife from the floor but i beat him to it.

I grasped it with my injured hands. "Don't you dare come closer or i swear I'll kill you." I said meaning everything i said.

I was serious. My mind wasn't okay, i didn't know what i was doing.

I think je got the message because he stepped back.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sahla snapped. Her voice held nothing but pure malice.

"What do you care?" I spat.

"That's it. I've-" she started but kept quiet when she saw what i did. I pointed the knife at her.

"Leave me alone or I swear we're going to hell together." I threatened.

Ofcourse being the stupid and selfish girl, she stepped back and didn't utter another word.

I shifted my gaze back to the knife.

I took a deep breath and pointed it on my chest.

"Tell your father I'm really grateful for his help but that I can't live like this anymore. Everyone has his breaking point. And this is mine." With that, i lowered the knife from chest and sliced my left wrist again, making it bleed more.

I knew it wouldn't kill me but atleast it would make me feel pain. A pain that was better than the pain I felt on my heart

"No!" Sahal gasped.

I laughed again. "Don't pretend like you care."

"Yes I don't care. To tell you the truth, I hate you. But I won't watch someone kill himself because of something petty." This is the longest I've heard Sahal talk since I met him.

He thinks this is petty? Oh he wasn't abandoned and bullied. Of course. He was pampered and fed. He'll surely think this is petty.

I didn't voice out my thoughts and i sliced my right wrist again. Making me lose more and more blood.

"Sahal stop wasting your time with her. I couldn't care less if you died so please do us a favor and kill yourself. Let's leave this lunatic alone Sahal. I'd love for you to die." Sahal said heartlessly.

Never in my life have I ever thought someone could say something as vicious and evil as that. But of course Sahla would say that.

She's just not human. At all.

Sahal sighed and without even uttering another word, they left. They left me like that.

Alone, slowly losing consciousness and in desperate need of a hospital.

My blood kept dripping out and i noticed the pool of blood around me.

My eyes started drooping and I willed myself to keep conscious but i failed.

Slowly.

My eyes closed and a warm darkness welcomed me.

____

I am sure u think this is boring and not relevant but I promise it'll get better.

Hop u enjoyed it though. Vote,. comment and recommend.

Bye