Devotion [h.s]

232

Harry Styles

"What!" Amelia shouts with wide eyes as I told her what happened. We were stood in the living room, Briar in her arms.

"I know, I feel awful." I say quietly. Her eyes were swelling in tears as she held Briar tighter.

"Why would you leave her alone?"  She says in shock.

"I was only like five steps away. I- I didn't think someone would be able to take her without me seeing." I stutter a bit in remorse.

"But they did. And she could've been gone Harry!" She raised her voice a bit but she had every right too, this was our child we were talking about.

"I know, and I wouldn't live with myself if that was the case. I'm lucky I got her in time."

"Why did you even step away from the cart?" Was her next question.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and didn't want to answer because I knew it was going to make her even angrier with me. But I couldn't lie to her, the lies were what screwed our relationship over in the first place.

"I had a disagreement with Louis.." I twist the rings on my fingers and mumble in regret, feeling awful.

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "We almost lost her because you were fighting with Louis?"

"I'm sorry, I know I was wrong." I apologize again.

"Harry I don't know what I would've done if someone abducted her! You have to be more careful, especially with all the people that want us all dead." She says while Briar stays nuzzled into her chest, a pacifier in her mouth.

"Don't you think I know that Amelia? You have no idea what I went through when I found out she was gone. I never wanted this to happen." I retaliate a bit in defence, she's making t seem like I don't care about Briar as much as she does.

"I know you didn't plan for this but you have to understand what could've happened from this."

"And that circled through my mind like a fucking carousel for those sixty seconds when she wasn't with me. You don't have to keep reminding me like I don't know any better. I love her so fucking much and you know I would never have wanted this to happen." I raise my voice in irritation.

"I know you love her Harry, you don't need to get defensive. I just want you to be more cautious when you have her in public." She says more calm, but I was still annoyed.

"I know! Fuck." I bark before storming towards the stairs, done with this conversation.

"What is your issue?" She shouts while I step up the stairs.

"Just leave me alone Amelia." I say without turning around, reaching the top of the stairs with my strides.

"Do I not have a right to be mad or upset Harry?" She yells as I walk down to our room.

I storm into our room and slam the door, not wanting to respond. She has every right to be angry and upset with me, but she doesn't need to keep telling me what I did was wrong. I was scared shitless today that I screwed up, I don't need her to make me feel worse. I could've handled all this better but I'm mad and I can't help it.

I walk out to the balcony for fresh air, feeling the breeze hit my face as I step out. My hands grip the railing as I dip my head down, relaxing myself.

"Why are you storming away like this was all my fault?" I hear her voice again, but I keep my back to her and hold the railing.

"It's not your fault." I state.

"Then why are you getting so mad at me?" She questions, making me turn around to see her standing by the door without Briar now. She must've put her down for a bit n

"I'm mad at myself." I bark while she stands there with her arms crossed. "I almost lost her, our child. If I didn't notice a second later she was gone then I may have never got her back. I'm ashamed in myself as a father to even step away from her for ten seconds. I don't need you just adding onto how wrong I was, I feel terrible enough." I explain.

"I'm not trying to make you feel awful Harry, but you have to also understand how I feel. What you told me happened, terrified me. The thought of anything happening to her is my worst nightmare as a mother. What was I suppose to say when you told me this? Watch out next time? It really scared me Harry. This doesn't make you a terrible father, I just wanted to get my point across due to the fear I had. I'm sorry if I took it to far, but I'm scared." She rants, her hazel eyes displaying sincerity mixed with the fear.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes before bringing my arms to my side, looking back at her again who stood at the opposite end of the balcony near the door.

"I'm so sorry Amelia." I whisper in mourn.

She walks up to me and grabs me hands, making me look down at her as I felt so awful in this moment.

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen. It just scares me knowing people are willing to take her from us like at." She rubs the top of my hands with her thumbs, her voice softer then silk.

"It scares me too." I whisper back, my heart racing. "..so much." I add.

"We will protect her, no matter what. She is safe as long as she is with us, okay?" She says in hope, nodding to me in belief that I'll agree. I want to agree, I want to promise Briar will be safe forever.

But I can't.

"But then what happens?" I whisper, looking down at my feet.

"Well what do you mean?" She whispers.

"What about when she won't be around us every second of the day? What about when she gets old enough for school? Or becomes a teenager and wishes to go out with friends? When she gets her drivers licence and wants to drive around on her own? How will I ever be at ease when she isn't with us? Because of me, there will be people that want her. I will never be able to relax until I know she is by my side. I can't even take her to a god damn grocery store Amelia without someone trying something." I start to get stressed again, pulling my hands back from Amelia's and rubbing my temples with my palms. She notices my anxiousness, and like always she tries to relax me.

"Hey-" she grabs my hands from my temples and bring them down to my sides again. "You are getting ahead of yourself. You said it earlier, you don't even know if that man today was even a part of Salvation or not." She tried to sooth.

"But what if he was? Face it, Briar will never have a normal life because of me and every enemy I've made. I'm going to be prohibiting her from so many opportunities in life because of danger." I say in stress.

"Life is dangerous, this world we live in is dangerous. We knew this before she was born, and we knew it was going to be hard work keeping her safe. But the thing is Harry, the amount of love we have for her is what makes it all possible." She placed her hand in my cheek, looking up at me with those brown eyes that have always healed my anxious mental.

There was silence for a moment as I pulled my eyes from her and looked at our feet. She kept her warm hand on my cheek, her thumb stroking my skin lightly.

"You're going to have to keep reminding me about this in the future. I have a feeling I'm going to face many nervous breakdowns in the coming years." I whisper, drawing back up to her eyes.

"I will, don't worry." She whispers, her eyes displaying the hope I needed to know things were going to be okay. She was my rock, the only person that could keep me sane on this planet. She was the one to talk me down from any situation, and she was going be the one to get me through these nerve racking years.

Because without her, I couldn't.

//

I know it's been over a week!! But I'm going back to college soon so I've been crazy busy! Thanks for your patience and support.

psst... I've also been working on a little side project but it won't be revealed for a long while 😂😉

xx!!!