Devotion [h.s]

258

Harry Styles

It's been three days, and Amelia has not spoken about the miscarriage once. She hasn't cried, and I've been watching her every move. I stand on the other side of the door when she's in the shower, I listen through the baby monitor when she goes to check on Briar in the night, I even sneak around the house when she doesn't know I'm there just to listen to what she's doing.

But not once have I caught her crying.

I was starting to get very concerned. This state she was in was no longer shock, and it was becoming extremely unhealthy. She doesn't talk to me, about anything unless she has too. I've tried to get her to talk about what happened but she just avoids the situation and says she's fine.

She is not fine.

Then I thought space is what she needed and so I just had to wait for her to come to me if she wanted to talk, but she hasn't. I've left the situation alone for a whole day and a half and she hasn't made one bit of effort to approach me on her own. I was hurting, for her and for the fact we lost a child. I couldn't talk to her about it because she didn't want to.

It's like all passionate emotions she once had seized to ever exist since the moment we found out about the miscarriage.

It was destroying me to see her like this, so unhappy. She walked around the house on the daily doing things like laundry and cleaning to distract herself. She looked so broken, but she wouldn't let me talk to her. I don't know if it was because she just really hated me for doing this to her, or if she was just so upset. I don't know how long I could take the silence, it was eating me away. Even to Briar she was different, she didn't have that glowing smile toward her.

I missed her smile.

I really needed her smile.

The doctor told us that we just had to live life normally, and there was no reason to alter our living situations because there was no procedure involving a miscarriage at two weeks. He did give Amelia some medication for her to take for the next week, but besides that she was fine. He talked to me to privately about how the next bit of time was going to be hard on her, and I had to try and be there for her as much as I could.

But she want letting me be there for her.

It was killing me to know that I couldn't fix this, couldn't help her. I was suppose to be the shoulder she needed to cry on, but she didn't want me. She was choosing to bottle her emotions up that makes her who she is. I wouldn't be so concerned if Amelia was the type of person who originally never cried. But she isn't, she is the most emotional person I've ever met.

And that was what I loved about her; her emotion that was fuelled by her passion and humanity. It was every aspect of her being and when she strips it from herself then she is nothing like the woman I love.

I just want her to cry - because no matter how she acts I know she's hurting on the inside.

I peaked into Briar's room, seeing Amelia standing at the crib and putting her down for a nap. She softly laid her down and put the pacifier in her mouth, tucking the stuffed rabbit next to her.

When she turned around to leave she stopped when she saw me standing there in the doorway. She froze her every movement and stared at me in utter silence. We haven't spoken once today at it was two in the afternoon.

"H-hi." I broke the ice as she stood in the middle of Briar's dark room.

She responded by walking out of the room to where I was, making me step back a few and she shut the door behind her.