Until We Meet Again (Sirius x OFC)

Part 2 - Chapter 23: Nightmares

A muffled scream awoke me, and it took me a while to realize where I was and what was happening. The bedroom was pitch-black when I opened my eyes, all the candles had burned down, but I didn't need to see to know what was going on. It was him.

Sirius was having nightmares almost every night lately, and from the sound of it very bad ones. It was no different now, he was lying beside me, tossing and turning, making the most painful sounds. Every time I woke up to his screams a cold panic hit me, the fear that something terrible had happened. I couldn't help it. I was programmed like that ever since Lily and James had been killed.

Sirius never told me what the bad dreams were about, whether it was Azkaban, the memories of his family or the events of the first war, but I would guess it was all of the mentioned. My nightmares were occasionally still there, too, but Sirius's must be even worse, and I hated to see him like that.

"There, there," I tried to calm him, as usual mostly by hugging him and stroking his hair. Sirius woke up when I gently cradled his face. By now my eyes had accommodated to the darkness, and I could make out that he was puzzled, still in pain.

"Ally," he breathed and swallowed hard, his expression softening.

"It's okay, just a bad dream," I assured him.

He pulled me closer until we were a tangled mess. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be."

"I'm so sorry, Ally. I love you."

I didn't know what he was referring to – if it was because we had argued quite a lot lately or because he had dreamed about me. I just let him hold me and mumbled that it's okay and that I loved him, too... hoping he would feel better with me here.

* * *

That night we both hadn't slept much – after the first nightmare, Sirius drifted in and out of other nightmares until he had such a bad one that he didn't dare fall asleep again. I didn't sleep either, how could I? Instead we snuggled and talked about all kinds of things, but I could tell he was still caught up in whatever terrible images his mind had painted.

Harry's hearing in the Ministry would take place in about a day. I had confidence that Dumbledore would be able to spare him the worst, but I felt sorry that he had to go through this. Merlin knows the boy had it difficult enough.

I knew Sirius wanted to accompany him as Snuffles but when Dumbledore showed up this evening, I had a feeling that he wouldn't let him. Dumbledore still thought that Harry needed to stay away from any Order business and that Sirius was basically grounded. So, I wasn't surprised when that actually happened, and the Headmaster forbade him to go with Harry.

When Sirius and I were alone after that, I could almost see him burn with anger.

"You know what? Everyone says I have to take good care of Harry – you even said I have to be there for him and guess what, I don't need reminding. I really bloody want to be there for him. But how am I supposed to do that when Dumbledore won't even let leave this hell of a house to support him?" He was yelling. I didn't want to say anything, really, not because I was scared, but because I thought it would be good for him to let it out for once. "And then I can listen to Severus again, telling me how I'm putting my feet up all day doing nothing except for house-cleaning. I'm so fed up."

He let out a low growl and sank into the armchair in our room, breathing deeply. I was still standing in the doorway, observing him, and I thought it wise to keep my mouth shut. When Sirius looked at me after calming down a little, I turned away and started to change into my nightgown.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No, I understand why you're upset."

"It's not your fault, though."

"Nice of you to recognize that," I mumbled.

"Ally, will you look at me?" he asked.

I turned to face him. "What?"

"Do you agree with this? Like Molly?"

I shook my head. "Well, I do think it would be reckless of you to go to the Ministry when some of the people there might know you're an Animagus. However, I don't see why you can't wait outside somewhere, hiding. I don't know, just to be near."

Sirius looked grateful that I said that, and I meant it, but I knew that it was dangerous either way. Dumbledore had reasonable concerns. He wouldn't even let me go with Harry because it could damage my reputation as a teacher if the wrong person saw me.

"I'm sure Harry'll be just as upset. I think he feels neglected by Dumbledore, let down in some way," I said. "But you do get that I can't take sides when you discuss things like that with Dumbeldore, don't you? He's still the headmaster and with that my boss."

"Who also basically forces you to go back to Hogwarts."

I rolled my eyes. "He doesn't force me. But he's right – it would be suspicious, and I'm needed there. At least for now."

"You're needed here, too," he just said and got up, getting changed as well.

With a sad sigh, I continued buttoning up my pajama top. I hated waiting for the Ministry to decide over Harry's fate. I didn't trust them, I hadn't ever since they put Sirius in Azkaban without a trial. Frankly, I didn't think there's any just soul working there except for Arthur and some of the Aurors. Most of the people were corrupt, some probably Death Eaters again, and Fudge is an idiot beyond compare.

I just hoped that Harry stood a chance at all, and that Dumbledore would find a way to solve this.

* * *

The next morning, we were all up extremely early. That is me, Sirius, the Weasleys, Remus and Tonks. We were waiting for Harry and he did come not much later, looking just as knackered as we all felt. Trying to assure him, we stated the facts – the law was on his side. Amelia Bones who was responsible for the hearing was an okay person and if Harry stayed polite and made a good impression, they just had to clear him. Then, after a barely-existent breakfast, we all wished Harry good luck and he accompanied Arthur out of the house and to the Ministry.

We could only wait and distract ourselves. It was maddening.

But before lunch was served, Harry and Arthur came back with the best news we could have wished for. Harry was cleared, he wouldn't have to leave Hogwarts. We were all more than relieved, most of all Hermione and Ron who wouldn't stop singing. "He got off, he got off."

Arthur interrupted the singsong though, to tell us something. "Listen, Sirius, Alia, Lucius Malfoy was at the Ministry."

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Why?" I added.

"Yes, he was talking to Fudge and followed him to his office."

"We'll tell Dumbledore," I immediately said. "Don't worry, Arthur."

"I better head back. And Molly, I'll be late. Kingsley might be in for dinner." 

After that, when Arthur had left, we all had lunch – now with far more appetite than before the hearing and I was glad to see that the kids were so happy. After all they had to go through over the last months, it was nice to hear some genuine laughter.