Finding Myself

The deal

"So," Zach starts to say and I look at him as he hands me another bag of clothes to put away. I like to think I don't have much stuff but when I walked into my room there were bags upon backs of my things. A lot of them were clothes and books so it made me feel not as bad about that crap I had in my room. "Who taught you to shoot a gun." He tilts his chin to the pistol sitting on my dresser.

I slowly walk to the closet and put things away. "My father." I don't say more and look at him to see him waiting for me to continue. "After people came into our house and hurt my mom, he decided it would be for the better if I learned how to defend myself in case there was ever something like that to happen again. So while everyone in third grade was hanging out with friends, I was learning how to kick so hard someone couldn't breath and how to shoot to injure, not kill.

"He made me take these classes until one day this man came into class and just stared at me. When I made eye contact with my dad his eyes told me all I needed to know and that he wasn't one of the other girls fathers. He was there to hurt me as he did my mother." I finished hanging up the last shirt and walked out of the closet to lean against the door frame. "So, I ran for the man but before I could get to him, my father had me and was running out of the door. We were out of there before he reached the door. My father would never tell me why he would want to hurt me or my mother but simply told me that he would never be able to hurt me."

"Wow, I'm sorry to hear that." Zach says and I shrug.

"What can you do, right? The world is full of messed up people and there is nothing anyone can do to change them. People say they change but they never do. Change is not a thing." I tell him and he goes quiet. I just made this even more depressing.

"I don't remember ever being told that." Zachary says and I look at him. "Your father was here a lot and he came here a few times with bruises on his face like he was fighting and didn't win, but he never brought up someone trying to hurt you..." His voice goes quiet as though he is trying to figure something out.

"I don't know. Maybe he just didn't want you guys to worry. Because I am far beyond able to help myself. Those years of training never left my mind." I tell him and he laughs as I raise my arms and jiggle my arm fat. "See. Look these tough bingo arms."

"Bingo arms?" He asks with a smile, showing off his dimples and pearly white teeth. My heart jumps when I realize this is the first time he had a real smile toward me. "I think you still have a lot of strength in you. When you loose someone you love, you can respond two ways. You can hate everyone and everything around you or you can try to become stronger to be the person they always wanted you to be."

"What do you mean?" I ask raising an eyebrow and crossing my arms defensively.

"After my mother and brother passed, I focused on my training. It helped me distract my mind and become stronger to protect what I have. I would go train every morning and every night until I couldn't feel my body anymore. Then the next day I go back and do the same." He tells me and I nod.

"But when my parents died, I was moping and became weak. I get it." I spit at him and roll my eyes. I could have reacted a little differently when my parents died and tried to make change to myself life like he did, but I was too weak. I still am.

"That's not what I m..." He starts but stops when my bedroom door swings open. I turn to look at one of the guys from the van as he looks at Zach.

"There is a emergency meeting." He tells him and then looks at me. "Both of you."

I look over at Zach and he starts toward the door with his arms crossed, face tough again, and I follow. Guess this soft moment is done. I may never get the chance to see him come clean about stuff like that again. We go through this labyrinth they call home for a few minutes until he opens a door that I remember was the fathers large office. He opens the doors without knocking and I see other people inside so I find an empty spot to sit in the back while Zachary goes to his father. They whisper back and forth then Zachery looks up at me and walks over. the room is filled with chatter until William clears his throat.