Finding Myself

The tattoo

I watched as the doctor had leaned the wound in interest. Yes, don't take me wrong, it did hurt really freaking bad, but I always wanted to know how they cleaned these wounds up and made them better.

"If you need any pain killers just let me know." The doctor says looking up at me then back to my leg. I nod my head then look over at Zachary. His dad went to deal with Mike after he dropped me off and never said what was going to happen.

"What is going to happen to Mike?" I ask Zachary in a quiet voice. He meets my eyes and looks confused for a moment but that disappears into anger quickly.

"He just stabbed you with a knife and you are worrying about what is going to happen to him?" He nearly screams. Even the doctor seems to stiffen when I look at him. Why is everyone so scared of him? He's not even that bad. "He's lucky he doesn't get killed."

"He didn't stab me. He grazed my skin..."

"Look at your leg!" He yells at me as pain fills my leg causing me to bite my lip. He takes a deep breath to calm down then looks at me. "You try to put up this strong wall to keep your problems away from others while you tend to everyone else. You just keep pushing your own problems away instead of confronting them."

"What does that have to do with...?" I start to ask but he rolls his eyes realizing I'm not getting the point.

"You help others get strong but don't help yourself. One day you are going to get screwed over by one of those friends out there and realize that people aren't as weak as you think and your just making them stronger and stronger until one day that strength comes down on you." He stats then stops ranting. I look down to my hands knowing he was right. I feel more pain then look at my leg and realize he is done when he gets up and excuses himself feeling the tension in the air.

"So what am I suppose to do?" I say a little louder than I planned. He sighs then walks over to me as I swing my legs off the bed, making room for him besides me.

"Take care of yourself from now on. Let us handle Mike. He already made his grave now he has to lay in it." He tells me as a tear falls down my face.

"How do I take care of myself when I'm too broken to be fixed?" I now whisper. I could barley hear my own voice in my ears. I close my eyes then feel a warm hand go under my chin, turning it so I look at him now. He moves his hand and wipes the tear.

"You are not broke. You are just a little chipped on the edges." He tells me with a small smile. I feel a little hope from his words. I have never felt more vulnerable to someone before. But here I am, crying in front of him.

"For a gang member, your not as tough as you seem." I tell him and he laughs showing off his pearly whites.

"For a girl, you are stronger than you realize." He says and I look at him. He stands up with a smile still on his face. "You friends are going to want to see you."

I watch as he turns toward the door and starts to turn toward me. "But if I see anymore of those lines on your body, I will make you start to stay in my room." He then opens the door as my jaw hangs open in disbelief. I look down at my leg and see them on presentation. I quickly pull my shorts down and limp with lots of pain out, about to ask him to not tell anyone but get ambushed into hugs from my friends.

"Are you okay?" "Why did he do that?" "I'm going to kick his ass." They all started to say to me and I let out a small laugh.

"I will be okay." I tell them. "It will just take time." And with that one, little statement. The whole world as I see it could change. But to them it was just a sign of showing I was okay. They started to drag me down the hall and toward my room.