Finding Myself

The Pain for Beauty

When we get back from paintballing, I rush against time to change into less stained clothes, not having time to shower, then run downstairs to the dinning hall. I breath a sigh of relief when not everyone is here yet. I look around the room, debating on where to sit when I make eye contact with Sam. He looks at me then walks over.

"Hey Sam..." I say under my breath but he just hugs me.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I got so mad." He tells me and I go stiff. I didn't think he would be the one apologizing.

"Its okay I would have gotten mad too." I tell him then look over his shoulder and see Zachary walking in. His hair is stained form the paint balls and he decided to go for a pull over black shirt with black jeans. He smiles at me with a wink and I feel myself blush. What if someone saw that? Is he trying to hide whatever this is?

"What's in your hair?" Sam asks pulling back with paint on his hand. I feel my face heat up and I look around for some kind of help. My cheeks go cheery red in flusterment at the thought of my lips on Zachary's. I will never be good enough for him...

"We went paint balling." I tell him then pull up my shirt to show him the blisters on my stomach. I laugh at the memory and try to play off as if the kiss never happened. Isn't that what normally happens? Things go back to normal?

"That looks painful." He says poking one and I squish my face together in a little pain. "How's the leg doing any how?"

"It hurts but I'm just trying to ignore it." I tell him with a proud smile as William walks in. "I'll see you after dinner..." I stop when I realize that they are going to get some news soon. "just know I love you and we will always be friends." I tell him then walk away before he can question. I sit down next to Zachary and he rubs my back in a comforting way.

"Did you tell them?" He asks with a smile and I shake my head. The disappointment is clear on his face.

"They will find out in a few minutes." I say and my smile disappears when I realize how mad they will be at me. They might not talk to me anymore...

"Hey, don't worry about them. If they aren't your friends after finding out then they weren't your friends at all. They need to accept who you are and if they can't understand that you make decisions for your own good, then screw them." He says and I nod then look at his arm and see a blister.

"I'm a good shot." I say and he follows my gaze then laughs with me. When we stop laughing I look down at the table in front of me. What if Zachary just kissed me in a 'I think your cute' kind of way and not 'I love you'. What if I just took this all the wrong way?

"If everyone can be quiet please, I have an announcement." William shouts out and I feel my heart skip a beat when I look up at him and see my target practice on the board behind him. I look back at the table. What if they don't accept me? "We are going to have a new member after dinner today." People at the table cheer.

"Victoria, would you please stand." William says to me and I look at Zachary. When he nods I stand. "Everyone, welcome our newest member, Victoria Lexington. She has followed her fathers steps into becoming one of us and being the first female to not marry into this group. Treat her as family. After dinner we will be going to get her mark to confirm her decision." He says and they all clap and call out. Zachary rubs my back to tries and calm me down as I smile at him. My eyes land on my friends and they are all looking at me in confusion... they are mad. They are going to hate me.. My brain starts to wonder as I sit down.

I feel my phone vibrate and look down at it

Sam- Your still our best friend no matter what. Plus, we thought since you were living here that you were already part of this group...