*Chapter 5*
When i got out of the cabin i was nursed in, Blake was the first one to find me. "Are you ok?" he asked.
"Yeah. But i do have a question for you." i said and paused. He nodded. "Why are you being so nice to me? You were a player before but still. Why?" i asked.
"Because i had mixed feelings for you before. I didn't know what to do. I don't know. Then i went to go talk to Kendall. HE said that we're mates. But i don't want a mate yet. Ash your a great girl but i don't think I'm ready for you yet." he said looking at me. Even the person that fate set me up with rejects me. Shows how much I'm loved, right?
"Ok." i said not even a tear dropping as i started walking away.
"Wait your not going to ask me to not reject you?" he asked confused.
"How do you expect a person to beg for you when they've dealt with reject all their life? Blake you just told me your not ready for this mate thing. And i just accepted it. So chill it. You rejected me, that doesn't mean i'm going to be on my hands and knees begging for you to take me back. At home i had perfect grades, 2 jobs, and even had to take care of my own self. I don't really depend on people. So you reject me i get it. Bye." i said and walked away.
I walked all the way back to my house without running into anyone else. On my bed, as promised, was my meds. I took my need amount. I took my razor and went to the bathroom. I changed into a bath robe and sat on the side of my bathtub. I turned on the razor and then Kay busted in the door.
"Ash Ash Ash Ash!" she said excitedly. Then looked at me. "WHAT THE HELL?" she asked. "Ash what the world are you doing?" she asked as she ran over and grabbed my razor.
"I-i -i was-" But before i could finish she ran down stairs. I followed her. She ran to Kendal turning off my razor.
"Ash i heard about Blake but there's no need to cut. CUTTING is not a way to deal with rejection." she said. I looked at her in disbelief.
"You thought i was cutting?" I asked laughing. That's when Blake came in, smiling but then frowned.
"Blake how could you? Do you know how badly Ash is taking rejection? She's CUTTING!!!!" Kay yelled at him.
"What? She was fine with it an hour ago. Ash you said you could deal with it. If i would have known i would have. Ash I'm so sorry i ruined you. I'm so sorry. Just give it some time you'll get over it. I'll give you a second chance, ok?" he said. Wow who knew this would all happen because i was 'cutting'.
"Kay give me back my Razor." i demanded rolling my eyes and taking a deep breath.
"Promise me you won't cut with this." she said.
"OMG! I wasn't cutting. I was shaving, I even have shaving cream in my bath tub. But if you don't want me to shave with a razor what do you want my to shave with? A knife? Or better yet a fork?" i asked. "Dear lord. And no Blake you've made your choice. Do you really think i would come begging for you? Or get over it with cutting? Just drop it. Why can't you just get over yourself. Not every fuckin' thing has to be about you. You rejected me so i sucked it up and got over it. So now off i go and fucking Shave. Oh and Kay? Next time please knock." i said while waking upstairs. Me use a razor to cut? As if. I have a knife for that.
I made it to my bathroom and pulled my pocket knife from my robe. I pulled it against my wrist, waiting for it to bleed. This is the only way for me to get everything out. I've done this for officially 3 years now. My skin heals faster now since it's grown to my cutting. I haven't done it since 2 months ago. In the bath tub my blood just dropped.
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
Pain was all i felt, in my heart, my ankle, my soul was just made up with pain. Whenever i cut i just feel every ounce of my pain just dripping away. I quickly jumped in the tub washing all my blood away and took a shower. I changed into a pair of shorts, a white off shoulder shirt. I add my watch and some rubber bands on my wrist to keep people from saying things.
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Ok sad chapter. And shocker she's a cutter. I am fully agaist cutting ok? If you have something sad in your life then talk about it. It doesn't always actully help but at least you got it off your chest. If you find cutting is somwthing your against then vote and comment. I'm sorry if you can't stand this stuff. I just felt like i just wanted to write this.
Just want to say that if you do cut please stop. It not only hurts you but everyone around you too. Sure life is like hell sometimes, but you can do things to let it out. Life has it's ups and downs. Maybe your just at a down point right now. There's always ways to make tomorrow better.
Next update: sometime next week. I have school again so i'll be extra busy with homework. Blame my teachers. I might have time tomorrow but then again i have cousins visiting.
xoxo Dream19
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