Do I Love You?

Chapter 18 - The Project

A/N : Before we start this chapter, I'd first like to apologize for the extremely late update as I normally update on weekends. Due to my emotional condition, I was not able to write further chapters. As shown in the picture above, 'one bad chapter doesn't mean your story is over' , which caused a huge difference in mindset as this small but meaningful quote helped me to get back up and start writing again and so I thank all my readers for staying with me throughout this journey.

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So here I was now, patiently awaiting Ryan's arrival in the library. He had texted me earlier saying he'd be a tad bit late. While waiting, I carefully reviewed the assignment and thought of ideas we could use.

Suddenly, the doors of the library burst open then came running, Ryan. Stopping at the seat where I was, he placed his hands on his knees as he panted. Even though out of breath, he was killing his look. He had on a loose unbuttoned black and white plaid shirt with a red shirt underneath and blue jeans with converse shoes.

His hair wet as sweat dripped off the ends and onto his face. After wiping away the sweat, he spoke.

"Sorry, I'm late. I came up with a really cool idea," he said, with a big smile plastered against his face.

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Turns out, his idea was pretty great. We just needed a few things then we'd be finished. After carefully reviewing his idea, he drove me home.

Now opening the door to my bedroom, I realized he didn't mention anything about what he had asked yesterday.

Is he messing with me?

Upon entering my room, I immediately headed to the shower as I was planning on getting an early sleep before getting up and reviewing earlier' notes. This year was my last meaning it was an absolute must at doing well in my school work and I didn't intend on messing that up.

After taking a shower, simply laying in bed and closing my eyes, I almost drifted off to dream land. Keyword being almost. At the sound of the vulgar ring of my phone, I groaned whilst getting up with my eyes barely opened before swiping the screen and placing it on my ear.

"What." I stated in an overly angry tone.

"Okay first of all, hi beautiful. And second of all, slow your role it's just me." He chuckled.

I rubbed my hand across my face mentally stabbing myself after hearing his voice.

With my voice still raspy, I replied. "I'm sorry. It's just that - ." I sighed. "Never mind."

"Why's your voice like that? Did you catch a cold?" He asked, worry present in his voice.

"No," I laughed. "Just a bit sleepy. That's all."

"Did I wake you?" Under his breath I heard him whisper something like, 'god I'm so stupid'  before continuing after. "Wait, what time is it....? It's only 7:00p.m! How can you sleep so early?" He asked in between laughs.

"Okay, I'm confused. Are you making fun of me or are you apologizing for waking me?"

Ignoring my question, he continued laughing causing an automatic smile to fall on my face. I imagined the look he would have had on his face as he held his phone to his ear.

"So what are you doing now?" He asked. The conversation kept going with slight jokes along the way. We spoke of our career paths and the colleges we'd want to attend. Surprisingly, we both wanted to attend the same one.

"Oh yeah. I just remembered. I called you to remind you of the meeting we're having tomorrow...for the project." He stated.

"Why'd you hesitate?" I laughed.

"There's something I'd like to ask you but I don't wanna pressure you beautiful." He explained, his voice suddenly a bit deeper than usual.

"It's okay, go ahead." I allowed him to continue as I was totally unaware of what was to come next.

"I was thinking, and please don't over think this because I know you do that a lot. Instead of...would you... would you like to have a little free time together after we're finished with the project?"

.........

"If you don't want to it's okay." I understand."

I don't know. Is it a -

"Date. It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to."

I was kinda hoping it was.

"If it was...would you still come?"

"I - I - I don't know. Honestly, each time you talk about something like this, I actually want to say yes but then there's just something inside of me that keeps telling me you'll leave...and I don't want to try something I know is not gonna work."

"I thought I told you to stop worrying about what's to -"

"Come.  Yeah, I know but it's going to come eventually and I don't want a scar to be left when it gets here." Surprisingly, I explained to him exactly how I felt and what had been going on in my mind all along, and that was just half of it.

"I know what I'm about to ask is extremely selfish of me...but could you not go. I'll miss you."

He didn't respond.

"Ryan? You still there?"

"Umm yeah, uh. Could we talk tomorrow when we meet up? I'm getting kinda sleepy." He said in between yawns. His voice was raspy and lower than before.

After quietly saying goodbye, I hung up honestly feeling hurt by his words. That was the first time I had ever expressed myself to him that way and yet for some reason it felt like he didn't care.

If this was how I felt when we were not together? How'd I feel if we were?