What I Really Am ~ Tododeku

3 - something only he knows

todoroki's p.o.v

denki and i finished watching the "dankest" movie around; the emoji movie. i don't even understand it, let alone how it's a "meme." what even is a meme? i might never know.

anyhow, the entire time, denki was begin extremely touchy. i mean, the movie isn't even scary or suspenseful, it's a goddamn yellow blob just running around a phone the whole time. so why was he acting like this? like, i know denki's kinda strange, but why?

he attempted to hold my hand at times, and at one point, even hug and cuddle with me. we've never done that before. never. i get bakugou and kirishima do it, but they're clearly head-over-heels for one another. it's just.. could it be..

that denki likes me?

no, that could never be possible, he knows i'm dating momo. he knows i'd never betray her. he knows i'm only his best friend! but, he does know all of the things i dislike about her. he knows how much i've been longing for her. well, not even for her, just for some love. is that what he's trying to do? love me?

shaking my head, i thought, no, he wouldn't do that. he's denki. he legally can't. i was shook out of my own little world when i heard denki's voice again. "well.. now that i've set the mood," denki began. he took a deep breath (that even i heard), and turned off the tv. he slowly tilted his head towards me. okay, what's happening now?

"i've got something to tell you, shoto." denki muttered, looking down. he was trembling a bit as he kicked off the blanket and sighed shakily. i jinxed it, didn't i? i thought, immediately realizing what denki was going to tell me. god, sometimes you just wish you were dead.

"and what might that be?" i asked, trying to keep my composure. i obviously wasn't going to give into him, no matter how sad and ragged he seemed. i'm with momo, and as much as i hate to say it, one of us has to stay loyal.

denki shifted in his place, not saying a word. he's nervous. worried. he's worried that i'm going to turn him down. lost in my thoughts again, his voice caught me off guard. "i know where momo's been. i know what she's been doing."

it took me a second to think those words through, he knows where she is? how long has he known? question after question began bottling up in my head, but he still hadn't finished speaking. i had to listen.

"a-and i'm not going to tell you. not before i tell you what i feel." denki spoke, his voice thicker. ah, there it is, i thought. just as the prophecy told. i really did want to know where momo was and what the fuck she was up to, but i also wanted to know what denki felt. i can't just ignore him. i'd be just like momo.

"then tell me," i nodded, "what is it?" denki's eyes rose up to meet mine, they were stained with tears. already? does he already know i'm going to say no? my hand subconsciously lifted up and headed towards his eye, softly wiping his tears away. my other hand followed, until i was cupping his face. crap, now he's probably thinking i'm going to kiss him.

"w-well... it's a bit e-embarrassing.." he started, pulling away from my touch. for some reason, i felt my heart break into a million, tiny, little pieces. i'm guessing it's because i had never felt so special to someone in a while. a long while. "just tell me. i don't care. it doesn't change anything." was all i could manage. i kept my eyes right on denki's, until he looked down to his hands and chuckled. i watched, confused, until i noticed the tears falling onto his hands. did i say something.. wrong?

"hah.. that's right, it doesn't change anything. it doesn't matter. my feelings won't do shit, and you won't either." denki finally spat, quickly getting up from his spot on the bed and recollecting his things. shit, i did say something wrong. "you know, todoroki, i love you. i really do. but you said it yourself, it won't change anything. you're with momo and you're going to stay with her no matter what. even if she's not with you."

denki finally stuffed all of the things he had brought into his bags and waltzed out of the room. my body followed after him, but not my mind. "what're you saying, denki? what do you mean? where's momo?" i asked, too many things to process at the moment. i wasn't ready to take this in, and i could tell he wasn't either. chuckling again, denki turned back around. "again— momo. that's all you care about, right? not me. it's never been me." he groaned, clutching the doorknob tightly. he was fighting back tears. so was i.

"d-denki.. no, it's not-" "do not call me denki." i paused, looking down at the floor. sometimes you wish you were right above a sinkhole or something, so you could just fall right in. and no one would do a thing. "kaminari."

kaminari turned around once more, clearly irritated. "what? let me leave, isn't that what you want? you want me to walk out this door and watch momo walk right in. right? right?"

i clenched my fists, taking a deep breath in. i'm not giving into him. not today. "stop assuming things. i never said that."

"well, it sure looks like it. now, let me leave. i won't bother you anymore. i'm just bad news."

"who said you were bad news? you aren't."

kaminari took a step away from the door and headed towards me. he didn't say a thing, he just held my hands and leaned into my face. "i will be." he whispered, before forcing his lips onto mine.

and for a second, i was into it.

until the door flung open.