What I Really Am ~ Tododeku

16 - alone

todoroki woke up and found himself in a room. a dark room. he was chained up, nothing too alarming. he'd felt worse than this.

in the distance, he could hear footsteps approaching. he tried his best to find it, but his eyes were blurry. from tears? he wasn't sure.

then a smudge could be seen in the distance, approaching him silently, but todoroki could not make out what its intentions were. it wasn't talking. it wasn't moving any other limb other than its feet. it was just walking, leaving a small echo every time its foot hit the floor.

when the smudge approached him, however, his eyes cleared.

it was kaminari.

"k—" todoroki began, but something was tied around his mouth. tape? cloth? he didn't know.

"this is a dream, todoroki," kaminari announced, "but we are both aware that it is one. so we know whatever we do or say, we will remember it when we wake up."

todoroki was confused, since when was kaminari so smart? or reasonable? he thought, but nonetheless, processed his words. he nodded.

"i'm going to explain.. something.. to you," kaminari went on, "something about someone that i think you must know."

once he said this, todoroki's mouth was freed, and a light shone in front of him. kaminari sat beside him, and they both stared at the light, until a similar face began appearing on it. jirou.

"her..? what about her?" todoroki questioned the blonde, turning to him. he noticed his hands were still chained. kaminari noticed it too, sighed, and looked back at the light. "there's an important part of this story.. that you don't know." kaminari said, fidgeting with hands. todoroki perked up an eyebrow, he was intrigued. there's something i don't know?

"jirou... she's my girlfriend. well, was. until yaoyorozu came around." kaminari confessed, a stern yet distant look on his face. todoroki suddenly felt a something dripping from his wrist, followed by his sight blurring again. he looked down to he a slash across his skin. how'd that get there?

returning to the question, todoroki licked his lips thoughtfully. he blinked before looking up at the light again. "what did yaoyorozu have to do with it?" he asked, more cautiously this time.

kaminari pointed towards the light and choked on his words, "jirou was cheating on me. with her. while you were dating yaoyorozu."

suddenly, another slash appeared on todoroki's wrist. where are these slashes coming from?! he thought aggressively, what do they mean?

"once i found out.. i planned to tell you, but i never manned up to it. and when i did excessively hang out with you to do so, i fell in love. and i completely forgot about what mattered. your feelings. not mine." kaminari muttered, turning to watch todoroki hopelessly stare at the ground below them. it was just grey. grey and alone, with no other color.

"i was only trying to help you, dude.. i.. i wanted to be there.. w-when you found out."

it was silent as todoroki began to think through his word choice, not wanting to waste time asking things that won't benefit him. he turned to face kaminari again, his heart aching when he saw tears fall from his golden eyes.

todoroki gulped.

"how long ago.. was that? when you found out jirou was.. cheating?"

kaminari nodded and looked at the light, which now showed various instances of jirou and momo hanging out, while the other two boys were obliviously sitting at home, waiting for the love of their lives to return. it truly was sad.

"almost a year."

todoroki's head perked up quickly as small slashes appeared along his arms. he could not believe it. a year? is that what these cuts represent?

all the time i waited and waited aimlessly?

"hard to believe, huh?" kaminari chuckled— a scoff, almost. he shook his head and rose up from the ground, nearing the light. he stood before it, staring, while todoroki processed it all.

he truly could not believe it. a year. a year of throwing away any possible feelings or attractions to anyone just to stay loyal, when it turns out that momo wasn't putting in her effort. he felt like such a fool.

"i'm sorry." todoroki breathed. kaminari turned around and gasped lowly, watching as the slashes on todoroki's arms got deeper and deeper. his head was low, but you could still see the tears fall from his eyes to the ground.

"i'm so sorry. if it weren't for me and my stupid feelings.. i'm sorry, kaminari. i am."

now he knew. kaminari knew why he was apologizing, he knew.

todoroki thought it was all his fault. he thought that because he wouldn't let go of momo, he couldn't think about anyone else, or more specifically, kaminari.

"i-it's okay, dude.. it's not your fault," kaminari reassured him, smiling slightly as todoroki cuts slowly vanished, "you've got special people now. or a special person. they'll help you get through this, aight?"

then the light changed. it was green. there was a boy with jade hair and a pair of jade eyes, freckles, and an unbelievable smile. todoroki didn't need to look up, he already knew. his chains perished among with the cuts, and soon did kaminari.

my special person...

he looked around the room, there was no one there. the light was gone, too. everything was gone.

but yet i'm still alone.