What I Really Am ~ Tododeku

17 - silence (ending 1)

todoroki was walking down an empty street, leading back to the apartment where his new friends, new meaning in life, new reason to stay bright were.

as he walked down that lonely road, however, voices began to echo throughout his head. you're not good enough, they said. obviously not. that's why yaoyorozu cheated on you. because you didn't satisfy her.

because you weren't good enough.

todoroki stopped in his tracks and gulped. he never had thought about it. why did yaoyorozu cheat on him? she obviously needed to have some sort of motive, it's not like she's completely heartless. she even apologized, someone without a heart wouldn't so that.

hah! that's even worse! you're even admitting you're worthless!

he slowly looked around the silent streets, hoping that no one was near him before he decided to talk to this 'voice.'

"who.. are you?" todoroki whispered, probably to himself, before beginning to walk towards his destination. maybe his last walk, who knows.

i'm just you. the more intellectual side, though. i actually know what i'm doing.

"know what you're doing..?"

i'm the side of you that suspected yaoyorozu would cheat. you're the vulnerable side that pitied her all the way.

he continued to walk at a steady pace. was he really pitying yaoyorozu? he had felt so much for her, and when the possibility that she could be cheating stumbled over to him, he refused to believe it. and yet, even though she herself admitted to cheating, he still hoped that there were a slight string still connecting them.

shaking his head, todoroki looked around. there were cafés and shops closed for that sunday, but somehow he still felt people there. in fact, he saw them. yaoyorozu and jirou.

sure, they weren't really there, but he felt all of the refreshing memories they had sprouted. some memories she and him never shared.

"she never meant to cheat.. did she? she just didn't want to break me apart?" todoroki asked himself, or the voice, but he didn't know. he wasn't sure anymore.

think whatever you wanna think, buddy. she's gone now. OH! you know who else is gone? kaminari! didn't it feel good to push away your feelings for him? must've been so relieving give up your chance on a healthy relationship!

todoroki's breath hitched as a pain heavier than himself targeted his chest. he felt as if he was going to die, and honestly, he didn't really mind. right now, death was something he was craving, and if he was given the chance to be erased from existence right then and there, oh he would do anything.

"ka..mi...kaminari.." he breathed, clutching at his chest. how am i feeling all of these emotions? he thought, i've never felt them.

he continued to walk, reaching the last corner he'd ever turn.

struggling to keep up with his urge to lie down on his bed with midoriya close to his heart and just stutter out all of his problems, todoroki realized.

midoriya.

midoriya!

"that's.. that's who's with me now.. not yaoyorozu.. not kaminari."

yeah, but imagine all the torture midoriya would go through. you couldn't even treat kaminari— the dumbest shit alive— correctly, how are you gonna handle midoriya?

you're just a pain in the ass. no one would be lucky to have you. that's obviously why momo cheated, because jirou's worthy and you're not.

look at sero, he's a nobody, and yet, he did whatever he could to gain kaminari's attention while he was drooling over you and your pathetic, emotionless self.