You make me ache

Ch41: Shower tears and Buoys.

Troye's POV.

 With our foreheads still pressed together, I listen to Tyler's breathing and the way it slows as sleep steadily steals him away from me. Fluttering my lashes upwards, the dim moonlight allows me to stare at my sleeping man. He looks heavenly; all the raw evidence of his anguish has been smoothed away by the combination of our sensual kisses and his innocent dreams. I smile, grateful that he is here beside me with his arm thrown over my waist and my hand wrapped gently to his throat. He had surprised me by coming home tonight.  However, as he quietly asked me to promise that I'll still be here in the morning, I had felt foolish in regards to my shock. In the very few fights we have had throughout our relationship, it had always been me to disappear. Tyler has always been the one patiently waiting to make up. However, I also painfully consider that before tonight I have never turned down his proposal, so perhaps it was not illogical to worry that I might not see him again so soon. Shocked or not, I cannot deny the intense feeling of gratitude that I have with him being here in my arms.

Still too anxious to find sleep and with the heavy, unwanted thought that this may be our last night together filtering back into my mind, I continue to stare at Tyler, hoping that I can find a distraction in the soft creases at the corner of his sleeping eyes and in the rose of his parted lips. His crinkling forehead soft against mine and his neck delicate under my fingertips, I can feel his subconscious swallow and I am awake to his fragile state.

"I'm so sorry Ty" I whisper, my voice barely audible as I urge to say my heart-felt confession but resist waking him from his peace. "I never wanted to hurt you". My slow mumblings are washed by his warm breath and my shoulders sag heavy with worry. Knowing that any possible dream will be less beautiful than Tyler, I am reluctant to close my eyes and instead I continue to stare at his features I memorised so long ago.

Suddenly Tyler rolls his body so that his back hits the mattress and in doing so his arm tears away from me. Momentarily I worry that he has woken, but as I peer at his relaxed face, I let out a relieved hum, pleased to see he is still elsewhere and away from the harsh reality of our night.  Wanting to reconnect myself to the comfort of Tyler's warm body but unwilling to risk waking him with my movement, I remain curled on my side. However even in his subconscious state, his thoughts seemed linked to mine and his arm finds its way back to me, blindly searching under the thin duvet until his spread fingers grace my bare skin. In response I gently nestle towards him and rest my head against his smooth chest. Instinctively, Tyler wraps his arm around my waist clutching me close to him and despite my heartache, I smile as I hear his sleep-drowned voice whisper my name.  Secured to Tyler and unable to refuse sleep any longer, I listen to the steady sound of the heart that I cherish more than my own and I can only hope that tomorrow I don't break it.

My bare skin sheathed in a scattering of goose bumps and the short hairs on my arms standing on edge, I awaken slowly. My face is buried into the downy pillow and my stomach pressed to the mattress; I groggily roam my hand across the cotton bed sheet in a search for the warmth of Tyler's body. His side of the bed however is empty and the cold to my fingertips informs me that he has been gone for a while already. My senses returning to me one by one, I slowly open my eyes, hoping my search has tricked me but the empty, crumpled pillow and the sound of the shower running from our en-suite confirms that he has left me alone. Disappointed, I roll to my back and rub my groggy eyes. Tyler's absence and the thin circuit of light formed around the edge our closed curtains alerts me that it must be morning but I am unwilling to begin the day. Our sensual kisses and adoring words last night had only been temporary, and I know that today I will have to discover whether Tyler will let me repeat our intimacy, or if that was the beginning of our heart breaking goodbye. My limbs feel empty and lifeless at the thought and despite knowing this is also the reason for my trembling body, I pull the soft duvet tighter to my body in the mindless attempt to ask it to soothe me and act as a barrier to my unwanted fears.