The Way It Goes (S.M.)

3

"WE DONT JUDGE. WE DONT JUDGE. WE DONT JUDGE" we could here the very loud crowd from backstage, shawn looks at me and smiles. I chuckle a little. He gets up and says something into a mic and the melody to hold on starts playing. Shawn was behind the curtains and grabs his mic. When the part to start singing comes on he starts from back stage and just runs on stage with the most beautiful smile ever. Now the tears are of joy.  I love him:).

*at the end of the concert*

"I love you guys a lot and and i am very thankful for each and everyone one of you for being so supportive and here all the time. And i really wouldn't be right here living the best life ever with the best friends ever. And if anyone was is or has been going through what i went through or anything similar please don't try my way out. It doesn't solve anything and the fog will clear up. I promise." shawn said with tears of joy in his eyes threatening to spill out.

*ONE WEEK LATER*

I walked into my apartment. We were staying for a couple days in LA for our 6 month anniversary, and his friends. He cleared a couple of interviews to spend time with me although i tried telling him no he insisted.
But anyways i went out like at 5am to walk the dog and its now like half past. It was quiet. A little too quiet. Usually shawn has a little riff going on already. The neighbors would complain but its music to their ears. So they just enjoy it. I let juju off the leash and walked towards the hallway. I was going to check if shawn was asleep but i heard a chair scooting in the kitchen. I turned back and walked over.
"Oh mornin' jas"
"Hey shawn what's up?"
"Well the roof, past that's the sky" he said with a stiff chuckle.
"Mhhm i mean what's wrong, you're usually having and huge jam session and i interrupt"
"..."
"..?"
"Uh.. i had another weird dream, and i know i promised id talk about it if it happened again but please not right now"
"Ok Pete its the third one in a row, you have to tell someone just on your own time"
"Thanks babe" he said and leaned in to peck my cheek.
Man i really hope he's ok.

*at an interview* later that day

"So shawn mendes, the one and only glad you can join us"

"So glad i can make it"

"Well today we will start with the usual questions, anything new your stirring up?"

"Yeah there was this melody my gi- guys really liked and ive have some lyrics stored so once i put it together and like hit the studio you guys might have a little something... Soon"

"That's great well now just a week ago we saw your performance right here in los angeles california. But most importantly we heard your story, would you like to elaborate with us?"

"Well like i get repetitive talking about anxiety in every interview. Since like in my blood came out that's all everyone wants to hear about."

"Oh no hun we want full detail about the suicide attempt, like you stated something about not even being able to do that right, what did you mean?"

He froze.

"Ca-can we please not. That's a s-sore subject"
"Yeah shawn its ok sometimes you arent ready to talk about some things as you are others... Well can you tell us what was or is your biggest insecurity"

"That i think my body, like my legs and arms. Especially abdominal area. Ive always been insecure there and i feel like i always am gonna be."

*on the way into hotel*

"Hey bubs" i tapped his shoulder. "Were here"

Shawn was taking off his airpods and putting them back into their little case all slowly. I hated seeing him all serious. I always wanna just like make him happy.

He walked out of the car first and turned around getting a suitcase and putting on the fakest smile Anyone can. He turned back around blinded by a couple flashes. Or atleast i was. He's used to it.
He places his suitcase down to take full body pictures and everyone's just so happy.
So i thought ^
After like a dozen or so fans,  the next girl comes up to him. She hands him her phone and they take a couple pictures.

"You know i lost all respect for you knowing you tried killing yourself. So much your songs helped me out of that and you try it. How is someone supposed to look up to that" she said When he brought the phone down from the angle he had it. He looked at her and i knew he was hurt. He dropped her phone and started walking. The big group started following so he started walking faster. At this point i have already grabbed his suitcases, some fans that didn't follow stayed by the entrance. I picked up the dropped phone and handed it to her,
"That was really  unnessicary"
I quickly placed the suitcases inside and sprinted towards the direction shawn went. When I turned the corner a lot closer to him then i expected he started like running slowly. And i sped up. Passing a couple of now also jogging fans i finally caught up, good thing i ran track in high school hehe, as i was getting there i see shawn turn around and he started to collapse. I caught his upper body and laid him down. He was still shaking and breathing heavily. Tears we're going down his face and all the fans were crowding around. Shawn hid his face in my huge hoodie. Well actually his hoodie.

"Can you guys back up, give us some room?" i yelled pretty sure no one payed attention since they were only getting closer.
"GUYS SHE ASKED IF WE COULD BACK UP CAN YOU PLEASE RESPECT THAT AND GIVE THEM ROOM !" a fan yelled much louder than i did. Everyone started backing up and some even started leaving.

" hey shawn, bubs you're okay everyone's far you're fine." i whispered into his ear. All of a sudden he took one really big exhale and stopped shaking entirely. I look down and he's passed out. Tonight wasn't supposed to be like this. I look around. Like 90% of the fans have left and the others went away to wait for their rides. I pull out my phone and text jake.

Jasmin- hey jake can you.come to the south side of the building and help me with shawn?

Jake- sure ill be there in a few

A few minutes later jake strolls up.

"Hey, vamonos, its getting cold out here"

"Yeah heh tell me about it..." i told him "can you take him home?"

"Sure lets go"