For Forever...

That Question...PT 1

That Question

July 20th, 2003

3 Years Later

"AUSTRALIA?! He took you to fucking AUSTRALIA! KAYLE!? OH MY GOD YOU LUCKY HOE!" Tristian proceeded to yell in my ear while I waited for Jensen to come back to our beautiful hotel room. Seriously it's a Suite that is overlooking the Opera House and it is amazing. I cannot wait to see it at night because this morning it is breathtaking. "Seriously who takes their girlfriend on a surprise late anniversary trip to Australia!" I just laughed at her. We've been here for about 6 hours already, the first pretty much 5 hours we slept, and well had sex. Then Jensen said he would be back in a little bit he was going to run and grab us some food and coffee, I was still way too jetlagged to do anything. Plus we were going to be here for an entire week, I had plenty of time to visit everywhere I wanted to see since I was a little girl, just dreaming of this place. Since he's been here before he said he'd just run out and be back in a little bit. He has been gone for about an hour already.

"Apparently Jensen does."

"Fucking Ackles."

"Fucking Ackles..." I laughed and so did she.

"Well take a million pictures okay! Get out go have fun! I'll see you soon love you!"

"Love you too Tris, don't torture Keryn too much."

"Oh honey it's like you know me." She laughed and hung up the phone. I got up and looked out the window again for at least the hundredth time since we got here and smiled. I walked over to my suitcase and grabbed my journal and my camera then walked back over to the window, sitting on the sill in my towel enjoying the view while writing a little bit. Ever since the actual rape incident I've been using the journal to cope easier. I don't hide it from anyone, especially Jensen. If I'm feeling uneasy about something and write it down, I try to get him to read it. Sometimes he does other times he doesn't, he says he doesn't want to invade my privacy. When I first started the therapist suggested I write down everything I remembered from that night, I don't know why but whenever I pick up my journal I reread that page. I guess it is my way of proving to myself that I did move on from that terrible incident.

****

January 17th 2001

I don't want to write about this. I don't want to relive what happened on New Years'. Nobody should have to go through the pain that I encountered. I should have never left Jensen to go out to the car. Why couldn't anyone hear my screams? Why wasn't I stronger? Why was he even there? Was he waiting for me? Of course that sleazy dirt bag was waiting for me. Since the day that he drugged me and got sentenced when we went to court he's had it out for me. Like I did something to hurt him. He scarred me, destroyed my trust in everyone and everything. The second he grabbed my arm, spun me around, and pinned me up against the car I knew I wasn't getting out unscathed. Then as soon as he pushed into me I felt dirty. I felt as though I was going to throw up. I was screaming why couldn't anyone come and help me? He hit me with something, nobody would tell me what it was but it knocked me out. I should have never worn a dress to the party, I was just trying to be sexy for Jensen, now I'm scared to let him even touch me. I feel like I destroyed his trust in me, this is all my fault. I just don't want to flinch when he reaches for me anymore. What is wrong with me? I remember waking up in Jensen's arms his cheeks bright red, blood coming out of his nose and mouth, and tears falling freely from his beautiful green eyes. Why couldn't I ask him what happened right then? Why couldn't I wake up? I don't want to be this broken anymore. Someone please help me.

****

It took months after that for me to even talk to anyone about anything. I was basically a complete mute. Trent was put in jail with no bail for 15 years. Then one day out of nowhere I realized that my entries were becoming happier. Jensen and I were still living together and I was travelling back and forth to California with him every chance I could because I didn't want to be alone. It wasn't until July 20th 2001 that my entry was just happiness, pure and absolute happiness. I wanted to be with Jensen, I wanted to make love to him. I wanted him to hold me and kiss me, and tell me how amazing we were. That is why today two full years later he wanted to make a HUGE deal out of it. He refused to tell me the past few weeks where he was taking me and in fact I had no idea where until we were boarding the plane and the stewardess came over the speaker and said it. I cried, like full on ugly cried, in Jensen's chest, in first class, on the airplane. Wow I am lame.

"Babe?"

"In here love" I said with a smile. He peaked his head into the bedroom where I was still sitting at the window. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture, I rolled my eyes and laughed, he snapped another picture. "Would you stop" I laughed.

"Nope, I'm capturing every beautiful moment I possibly can while we are here." He smiled "And that's like every second so..."

"Get over here mister." He smiled and walked over to me placing soft kisses on my lips and one on my head before looking down.

"Writing?"

"Sort of, just capturing this moment." I smiled up at him

"Want me to leave you be for a few?"

"Not a chance" I snaked my arm around his neck and pulled him in to kiss me. He pulled away slightly pressing his forehead against mine.

"I set up a few things for us tonight, so just be ready by like 6, I want to go down to the beach and watch the sunset."

"You are such a hopeless romantic you know that?" He laughs.

"Only for you so don't tell anyone." He gave me a fake death stare with his eyes that sparked something in me. I slammed my lips against his basically throwing myself in his arms. He chuckled before kissing me back, picking me up and basically throwing me onto the bed. We made love, hot, sexy, steamy, passionate love. I cuddled close to him kissing his bare chest a few times smiling like crazy. He chuckled lightly. "I grabbed lunch by the way, which is probably cold by now."

"Are you complaining?"

"Not a chance" He leaned down and kissed me before he got out of the bed and threw on his boxers. I stood up throwing his shirt on and walked out of the bedroom and into the rest of the suite. It was gorgeous I couldn't get over it. He went way over board with this, I felt like we were in an apartment not a hotel.

A/N - Just a quick update didn't want to leave everyone hanging for too long!!