BRIGHT

Chapter 56- Peyton POV- Therapy

I laid in my bed in the hospital room. Everything smelled like hand sanitizer and it irritated my nose. I felt a pain in my wrist that I knew I had caused. Looking down at it, I noticed the fifteen stitches that had been put in. I had tried to hurt myself, which gave me a feeling that I was unable to distinguish. I could not tell if I felt sad or depressed or frustrated that I had been stopped.

It was hard to think about the horrid occurrence that had happened today. Meredith. My best friend. My sister. The one who had been there for me through absolutely everything had died. Tears came to my eyes just thinking about it and I knew I would not be okay for a very long time. I heard a knock at the door immediately after I started crying and then it opened.

"Peyton, are you alright?" a voice asked. I turned over to see a doctor standing by the door.

"How could I be?" I asked softly. He walked inside and closed the door behind him. 

"I cannot even imagine how difficult this must be for you. A girl who was basically your sister passed. It was unexpected and she was so young," he said.

"It's awful," I whispered.

"Listen, Peyton. My name is Dr. Kagan and I am here to help you. I know everything that has happened. I just need you to talk to me because talking is what helps," he explained. I nodded.

"I just feel like it's all my fault," I expressed.

"Why?" he asked me.

"I should have told Daisy and Evan about her gene-edit. They would have been able to protect her better and she may not have been caught," I told him.

"Peyton, what happened was inevitable. It was the Emerson's fault. They are the ones who told about Meredith. You really cannot blame yourself for what happened, you hear me?" he asked. I nodded.

"I understand. It's just hard. Meredith and I always looked out for each other as kids and she always tried to make sure nothing happened to me," I expressed.

"But, Peyton. You were caught as well. Do you blame Meredith for getting caught?" Dr. Kagan asked me. 

"No, of course not," I said immediately.

"Then you should not blame yourself for what happened with her," he explained.

"I know," I whispered.

"The other thing I want to talk about today is you hurting yourself. I have some questions about it," he said and I nodded.

"Have you ever had suicidal or self-harming thoughts before today?" he asked me. 

"Never," I replied.

"When you were in the car on the way home, were you thinking about hurting yourself?" he asked me.

"Yes. It hit as we reached our subdivision. I thought I needed to be punished because I believed what happened was on me," I explained.

"What was going through your mind when you picked up the blade?" he questioned.

"Josh was banging on the door as I picked up the knife. Even though his screeches, I cut myself. And then I realized, life without Meredith was not worth living. I wanted to get to the bathroom to get a pill container and just end it all right there and then. But then, I heard Greyson's voice. He made life worth living. And don't get me wrong, I love Josh so much but as a brother. I am truly and deeply in love with Greyson Kole. And his voice is what saved me," I admitted. As I had said I loved Greyson, I realized I was admitting it to myself.

"This Greyson. Is he your boyfriend?" Dr. Kagan asked.

"No. He was. But I never stopped loving him," I expressed.

"So, you truly believe it is Greyson that saved your life?" he restated.

"Yes sir," I replied confidently.

"Then why did you not open the door for him when he called you," Dr. Kagan questioned.

"I was ashamed of what I had done. I did not want him to see me in the state I was in," I admitted.

"I see. Thank you, Peyton. We will be meeting twice a week for the next three weeks then check in after that see if we need to continue with the counseling or reduce it or end it," Dr. Kagan explained.

"Okay. See you then," I dismissed.

"See you," he said, getting up and walking to the door. "And Peyton, tell Greyson how you feel. It will only make you feel better," he advised. I nodded. 

"Thank you," I replied. He nodded and left the room. A doctor came in immediately after.

"Peyton, we believe you are ready for visitors, but only if you are up to it. And let me tell you, there is quite the crowd out there waiting for you," he explained.

"Can I see my family first please?" I asked.

"Of course, I will bring them in now," he promised and left the room. I stared at the ceiling. After talking with Dr. Kagan, I did feel better. I had taken a lot of the blame off of my shoulders. Though I was still grieving over Meredith's death. I truly did feel better.