otherside ➳ post malone

32 - (o)

if you're over me // years & years

The waves washed up and hit the tips of my toes as I sat in the sand beside the Santa Monica Pier. There weren't many people on the beach at this time considering it was five in the morning.

Austin and I used to come out here a lot to watch the sunrise. It made us feel like we were in a movie. Right now, the movie I felt like I was in wasn't a good one. One I'd never choose to see again.

My hair was grabbed by the wind and thrown all over my face, making it hard to watch the waves. I looked down at the book that was beside me. For once, it wasn't Eleanor and Park. I hadn't read it since Quinten left which was a week ago.

It was one of Austin's mom's books. I couldn't bring myself to open it no matter how badly I wanted to. Something was telling me that if I opened it, it would never be the same. So I didn't. I just sat and stared at the blue.

Everything was blue right now. The sky, the ocean, me.

I stretched my legs out, letting the waves cover my feet when they kissed the shore. I sighed and then laid back on the towel, putting my sunglasses on just in case I dozed off and the sun started rising.

It wasn't long that I was laying there when I heard a familiar voice echo from above me.

"Mind if I join you?" Austin asked. I lifted my glasses and looked at him, nodding for him to lay down. "I think I'm here for the same reason you are."

"Which is?" I questioned, not looking at him.

"To feel something again," he sighed. "Anything."

"Yeah," I chuckled. "Even if it's just the waves."

"How is mom's book?" He asked me.

"I wouldn't know," I admitted. "I can't open it."

"Why not?" He replied and I didn't know if I could put it into words.

"I just want that part of her to remain in there if that makes sense," I let out a deep sigh, lifting my arm above my head.

"It does," Austin said and I sat up.

"You never told me her name," I said to him. "I mean, she wrote all of her books as Anonymous."

Austin sat up and smiled at me as if he had been waiting for me to ask him this question.

"Amelia," he nodded. "If you look at her dedication page in every one of her books, you'll see it's dedicated to Amelia. That's her."

"Amelia," I repeated her name. It soothed me for some reason. "I want to know her so badly."

"I want you to know her," he smiled at me, putting his arms on his knees as he looked out at the ocean. "I wish I could see her again. Just hug her and let her know I love her."

"She knows you love her," I said to him. "I want to know more about her. Like her favorite flower and her favorite song."

"She always loved chrysanthemums because the word is funny," He laughed. "And her favorite song was Piano Man by Billy Joel. We used to dance to that song for hours in the living room when my dad wasn't home."

"To go back and see you so happy," I smiled at him, a tear escaping my eye. "I bet she was beautiful."

"She was," He smiled. "And strong. She had me when she was eighteen. My grandparents kicked her out and she had to live with my dad's family even though they hated her."

"I'm sorry, Austin. I know you miss her," I looked at the water, I thought that if I looked at him, I'd lose it. .

"Everyday," He nodded, wiping his cheek. "But I didn't come here because I miss her. I came here because I miss you."

I turned to look at him now, wondering what he'd say next. He stared at me and smiled.

"I don't think you've ever looked so beautiful," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"Please, my hair is a mess and I have on pajamas," I chuckled.

"That's when you're the most beautiful," He smiled. "Liv, I just want to let you know something."

"What is it?" I asked, the wind blowing my hair everywhere.

"I didn't choose Lily over you," he said. "I had no interest in her until I found out about you and your professor."

"You don't have to explain yourself," I stopped him. "It's your life."

"No, I do," he said and I listened. "I was so hurt. So angry at you. I just needed someone. And Lily needed something from me. So I just chose her, I guess."

"Well, that didn't work out for either of you," I chuckled. "But Austin, I know you were hurt. I'm sorry for that. Truly. I was hurt too, and that's no excuse but that's why I done it."

"It's okay, Liv. I understand," He nodded to me. "We do things without thinking sometimes. Most of our relationship I did that, and I regret it."

"Yeah, ditto," I let out a sarcastic chuckle.

"We sucked, didn't we?" Austin asked and I nodded.

"Maybe we can try to redeem ourselves," I looked over at him.

"Uh.. You mean..?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"No," I shook my head and he nodded sadly. "Not yet, I mean. But I'd like for us to try again. If you'd want that."

"Olivia, I want that more than anything," he smiled at me.

"Me, too," I smiled, leaning my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.

"Olivia?" He questioned and I lifted my head to look at him. When I did, he pressed his lips to mine softly. This time the kiss wasn't filled with guilt or anger, just love. Love that I had been missing. "I love you."