A/N: Listen to 'I Can't Not Love You' by Every Avenue while reading this chapter to help with the feels : )
*****
By the time I reach Callie, tears are streaming down my face. We’re going to Dauntless. I will have to see my brother, who I still love even after everything, I will have to see Tobias again, and endure the pain of losing him again; I will have to finally feel the emotion that I have evaded for years.
I’ve finally reached the point in my life when I can’t run anymore – Candor has got me trapped me in a web of lies, without lying at all.
When Callie’s eyes fall on my distraught face, her arms go straight open, welcoming me as I crash hopelessly into them. I breathe in her perfume, the lovely scent of fresh flowers that always seems to hang around her, and hold onto her thin body so hard I’m almost afraid she will snap, but she doesn’t. Callie holds me, stroking my hair, and murmuring encouragingly into it. I want to stay in this position with her forever, I want to never face the reality that will swamp me as soon as we untangle our limbs.
My eyes flick up to meet her never-ending ones, and I find myself trying to figure out what colour they are, but I can’t decide. They’re a sort of beautiful violet at the moment, frosted over with a film of tears just as mine are, but yesterday I could’ve sworn that they were a pure and clear cornflower blue. She’s staring at me and I’m staring back at her, lost in the following the curves of her face, and I find myself wishing that this moment will never end.
My mind is conscious of her arms still around me, and each movement those delicate hands make. They’re all that’s stopping me falling apart now; Callie is single handedly holding my sanity together. Her eyes, her lips… I…
And then Julian walks around the corner and Callie lets go. Disappointment swamps me and for a second, I black out, falling. But it doesn’t matter, she’ll catch me. And sure enough, I don’t hit the ground, but it’s not Callie’s perfect arms that I’m in now.
Julian hugs me. And it’s not friendly, on his part; it’s something more than that, but it’s sort of restricting, a cage of arms that I can’t quite escape from. Over his broad shoulder, I can just see Callie’s face, and she’s watching us, her vision clouded over not with tears now, but with jealousy. Of course, because she likes Jules.
I lower my eyes, not wanting to look, not wanting to experience the pain anymore. It takes me a moment in my current state to realize that Julian is speaking, gently, softly, like I’m a precious vase that he doesn’t want to accidently crack – but what he doesn’t realize is that I’m already nearly broken beyond repair. What is it now?
“Am, there’s something on your bed… I think you should see it before lunch.”
I’ve heard that in moments of extreme difficulty, the universe will suddenly reconcile itself with an act of kindness. An old book that I read from the Erudite library had a quote that I believed in, that kept me going.
“Somehow, something always happens just before things get to the very worst. It is as if Magic did it. If I could only just remember that always. The worse thing never quite comes.”
From the tone of Julian’s voice now though, I have misplaced my faith for many years.
The worst thing never quite comes because the worst thing is always so much worse than the thing you imagine the worst thing to be – it comes when you least expect it.
Which is, I guess, now.
*****
A/N: I'M SORRY DON'T KILL ME TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON THE COMMENTS BOX IF NEEDS BE I AM NOT RESPONSIIBLE FOR WHAT YOU FEEL ETC AND THIS CHAPTER IS FOLLOWING THE PLAN THAT I HAD FROM THE START.
DON'T HATE THE PLAYER HATE THE GAME
Thank you for reading this!
The drills... aaarrrrgh
As well as I was up till 2 last night. I had some weird thing and I just FELT like I HAD to tidy my bedroom and all my cupboards starting at midnight. Yeah... no don't ask. It just happens sometimes.
But i keep writing for you luck little... ducks. I was always gonna say ducks. Oh just assume the worst why don't you?! (INTERROBANG ALERT)
Anyways, love ya, KEEP SHIPPING EVERYTHING. I think Tobias will be in the next chapter... but it could be the one after that so don't hold your breath. ALSO MAY I REMIND YOU THAT AT THIS STAGE IN THE STORY TOBIAS IS ALREADY HAPPILY CRUSHING ON TRIS SO NO I'M NOT GOING TO BREAK THEM UP THANK YOU AND THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO TOMBER ACTION FOR THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS.
Peace to the world,
Rae x
P.s “Somehow, something always happens just before things get to the very worst. It is as if the Magic did it. If I could only just remember that always. The worse thing never quite comes.”~ A Little Princess, Frances Hodgson Burnett
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Truth (a Divergent Fanfic)
Romance"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." ~ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Amber Rose is a Candor initiate, an Erudite transfer and a liar. Struggling to fit in in a place she doesn't belong, how can...
