Haz and Mel

Chapter 16: Home

Harry POV

‘Can you at least try, Harry?’ Liam yelled into my ear above the screaming crowd. We were on stage giving the best of ourselves for the last song. And the fact was that I already was trying. I was trying to keep every emotion inside of me, not letting anything slip. But for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t able to control it anymore. I couldn’t hide it from the boys, I couldn’t hide it from the crowd, and I totally couldn’t hide it from myself anymore. The worst part of it all was entering or leaving the hotel. People would ask me about her, and even hearing her name made my stomach twist completely. Management had released a statement in my name, that my relationship with her was over. And that was it for them… Nothing more. I had to suck everything up, like I was no human being at all.

I woke up out of my thoughts when I heard Louis’ voice sing my solo. I forgot to sing. Great. I tried to jump in, but when I did and my eyes met Liam, I was suddenly reminded to the saying ‘If looks could kill’, because that was very appropriate right now. I needed to focus. For the boys. Because they’d been good to me. I was awful to them. I knew that. But I just couldn’t contain myself when they asked too many questions. I wanted to get over this on my own. And that’s why I yelled Niall out of the room last night. From the moment he left the room, I felt bad. He didn’t deserve it at all. Nobody did. Except for myself. Sometimes I just wanted someone to scream at me. To shout and yell and tell me I was so stupid for letting her slip away. And Liam was the only one who was trying to give me a hard time on it. And I was grateful for that. As weird as it may sound. But I was.

‘What the hell, Harry!’ Liam yelled when we entered the backstage after our fourth show. ‘Why can’t you just focus on the-…’

But I interrupted him in a calm, apologizing voice. ‘Yeah, I’m sorry! I know… I know. I messed up.’ I said. ‘It won’t happen again.’

This made him stop mid-sentence. He just stared at me confused. Like he didn’t expect me to admit my wrongs so easily. But I owed it to him. He had been hard on me, probably the worst out of all the boys. There was no one like him. He picked me up when I was drunk, or stood up for me when people talked bad. Even through my worst mistakes, he had never stopped doing it, and he probably never would. Because that’s the kind of guy Liam was.

It took a moment for Liam to find his words back. ‘I’ll be counting on that one, Styles.’ He said giving me a straight face before he walked passed me. But I didn’t blame him at all. I deserved it. I deserved all the anger in the world, including hers. I had banned her name out of my thoughts. It hurt too much.

‘Harry, com’n…’ I felt Louis pull my arm. Somehow, while I was lost in my thoughts, I still managed to follow everyone to the back entrance of the arena, where the cars stood ready to take us to the hotel. Louis led me into one of the black vans and I noticed Zayn, Liam and Niall, jumping in the other car. We never drove separately. I must have been really not pleasant to live with, causing them to not wanting to drive with me. I had to admit it hurt a bit.

‘Why are we driving alone?’ I asked Louis when we sat down, although I already knew the answer. ‘Do they hate me that much?’

Louis rolled his eyes at me. ‘God Harry… They don’t hate you. Nobody hates you.’

‘I don’t agree with that one…’ And I meant that. Because there was one person I was a hundred percent sure of that she hated me. And it was the worst feeling.

It was like Louis read my mind. ‘She doesn’t hate you, Harry. She’s hurt. Just like you are. But she doesn’t hate you. I won’t believe that.’ Louis’ voice sounded so certain of his own words. I just couldn’t understand why he was so sure about this. He hadn’t spoken to her. He didn’t know more than I did. It was frustrating that they all wanted to talk in her place, but I couldn’t believe any of it until I heard it from her myself. But I wasn’t going to. I didn’t had the right, I guessed.