There Are No Words

Chapter 6

Walker

Over the next few weeks I'm a wreck.

I pace inside my cabin, walking around in a fog and barely finishing my associate's degree, doing as much of it by remote as possible. Years of hard work, earning top honors in all my classes and I had to receive my first degree under a cloud of gloom and without the girl I love.

My mind just keeps going back to what happened to Jenny. I cannot get out from under the guilt I feel. What if I'd stopped her from playing that stupid game? What if I'd asked her to leave before she got up on that rope?

I knew I was being irrational. We'd gone swimming at that pond, and swung on that rope, thousands of times before. No one could have known that would've happened. For some reason, though, I just can't let it go.

On top of everything else I ended up brawling with Ruari after Jenny fell. I usually have myself under better control than that. I would never have flipped that way if not for what was going on. Jenny was hurt and I was so upset. I took all of my fear and anger out on Ruari right then and there. Instead of just letting things go I flew off the handle.

The worst part of the situation is that I can't visit Jenny or talk to her. Her grandparents have taken her out of state to live with their son and his wife, Jenny's Uncle Artair and Aunt Ciara. Artair is a speech language pathologist who is taking Jenny in to help rehabilitate her speech. When she fell, Jenny suffered a brain injury that damaged her ability to talk. Thank goodness Jenny has her Uncle to help her. None-the-less, it means she's no longer a part of my daily life. I'm miserable because of it. Cian isn't much happier, but he isn't in love with Jenny. It doesn't affect him in the same way.

To my surprise, when my parents got to the police station after the accident, a private meeting was held between the officers, who are friends of both our families, and Ruari's dad. Since no real damage had been done by our fight, (Ruari was fine), I was let go without being processed or charged with anything. My parents did make one promise to Ruari's dad, however. That I would join the Marines effective immediately instead of waiting like I had planned to.

Before the accident, I'd already planned to enlist; it was more a matter of when, not if. Before the accident even Tadhg had already joined up. My father and grandfather are both Marines. They're no longer on active duty, but "once a Marine, always a Marine*". They were just waiting for me to join the ranks. It wasn't the original plan, but to avoid a criminal record, I'll do what I have to do.

As I sign my name where the recruiter points my only hope is that the initial training is intense. Only something grueling like boot camp will be able to distract me from my misery. If I have no time to mope or to be depressed maybe I can get past this whole mess.

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*Quote derived from speech by 35th Commandant of the Marine Corps, General James F. Amos

Photography Copyright 2018 A. E. F.

Want to find out more about the United States Marines? Here is their website:

https://www.marines.com/

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