There Are No Words

Chapter 20

Jenny

I'm sitting by our lake, watching the sun set. It's getting late, and night is falling quickly. The trees around me creak in the brisk winter air. I hear a nearby chipmunk running in the leaves and smile.

I sigh, letting some of my frustration leave me with the breeze that dances over my skin. Pulling my long hair around to the side of my neck, I try to focus on what to do about Walker. I can't believe he hit my cousin. I can't believe Cian hit him. I can't believe I shoved Walker. I've never done anything like that in my life. I feel really bad about it. I take a deep breath and let it out again.

I guess there isn't much I can do. Walker's with Candace now. I don't have the right to tell him anything. He isn't mine anymore. He belongs to her. I'll have to find a way to get over him; be the friend he's always depended on, without looking at him for more.

Pushing my heels against the tree under me, I stand up and start to pace. My emotions annoy me. The truth is, I don't want to be friends with Walker. I want him; for so much more than a just a friend. I've been naively hoping he still feels the same way about me.

I can remember him now, sitting beside me at Foster's Pond. His blue eyes mirroring the crystal clear water. I can feel his callused hands rub against the soft skin of my face, warm and strong, but with such gentleness as he touches me. I remember the way he kissed me two years ago; full of surprise and innocence at first, but heated passion next. I think about the zing of electricity that hummed through me as his hands traveled my sides, closing in on my heart and chest. I can see him stepping back to catch his breath, looking at me as if in a trance, one he never wanted to come out of. I daydreamed that he'd once again melt against me, brace me against a tree, trapping me in his arms, taking my heart and soul into him.

Picking up a piece of slate rock, I throw it across the lake in frustration.

If only that stupid accident hadn't happened that day. It stole so much more than just my voice. It isn't fair.

Suddenly, I'm angry. So very angry.

I look up at the sky, furious at once with the world around me. I start kicking the brush, ready to take my vengeance out on Mother Nature herself. It feels so good to let some of my pent up temper go.

Before long, I'm working up a good fury. I even let loose a few chosen (though aphasia-mangled) curse words for good measure. Fearless, I grab the heaviest rock I can find and heave it into the water, creating a booming splash that breaks the surface of the water with a crash. It feels so good, I do it again and again, grabbing and throwing large fallen branches and anything else I can pick up and toss into the water.

I'm so caught up in my own anger, that I never hear him approach.

Suddenly, though, he's there beside me.

"Jenny," he says tentatively, as if I'm a live wire he might touch and be electrocuted by. "What're you doing out here alone at night? Are you ok?"

"You know what, Walker?" I yell while turning in his direction. "I not K. NO! Not O-K. Ma. Mu...I...MAD!"

I keep up my temper tantrum as Walker watches with intrepidation. I know he's taken aback; that he doesn't know what to make of my outbursts. He stands there and lets me get it all out, though.

Before I can calm down, think rationally, and be myself again, I stalk over to where Walker is standing. I grab his hand and place it across my heart. I close my eyes and then open them. I look up at him, blow out a deep breath and say, "You-Me-US!"

And then I kiss him.

I don't know why. In the back of my mind, I know it's wrong. So very, very wrong. He has a girlfriend, and he isn't the type to cheat. Ever. I want him, though. So. Damn. Bad.

As soon as my lips crash against his I feel him jerk in surprise, just like he did the first time we kissed.

In horror at what I've done, I step back and raise a hand to my mouth. I look at him and take in his shocked expression. I'm not prepared for what comes next. Before I can process the situation, Walker steps forward, grabs my chin and lands another kiss right against my swollen lips.

While my kiss had been spontaneous and rushed, Walker's lights a fire that I know will slowly burn me from the inside out long after it ends.

As the moment continues, I feel his arms come around me, drawling me closer. It's like all those years ago, only better. Forget electric shock, I'm swept into a full-blow tornado of emotion. Holding on to one another, we kneel down until we're both laying on the beach, wrapped in each other's arms. Our hands travel the length of our bodies and we lose ourselves to all that is right and feels so good. Coming up for air isn't an option. I just want to hold onto this moment and suffocate in its all-consuming desire. My lust to remain in this place forever overrides all reason to do anything else, even to recognize that what we're doing is wrong.

I just don't care. Not after all this time.

I know it's insane, but I can't stop myself. How can I? Since we were kids, Walker has always been the one.

Taking the decision away from us, however, we hear someone clear their throat nearby. We look up and take in Cian, who is now standing off to the side of the fallen log I was sitting on earlier.

Clearly uncomfortable, Cian holds the back of his neck, trying to look anywhere but in our direction.

Like a bucket of cold water splashed over me, I feel myself snap out of the moment Walker and I were sharing. I look down at myself, covered in sand and leaves, with my shirt rucked up to my chest, and a twig in my hair. I'm just about indecent. And we're right outside, in our own backyards for anyone to come upon us and see.

I quickly sit up, adjusting my shirt and pulling the stick from my hair. Walker is doing much the same thing next to me. As he does, I catch a glimpse of his upper arm and gasp. Walker doesn't notice the look of surprise on my face. He stands up and I quickly mask my expression. He offers his hand to pull me to my feet and I let him help me.

"Uh, Walker" Cian says. "Candice is looking for you. She's going through her bags in the cabin and is wondering where you got off to. I said I'd find you for her.

Cian stops to look at us both again. He shakes his head and creases his closed lips.

I'll uh, I'll leave you two alone. See you up at the house, Walker. Uh, bye Jenny."

When he walks back towards the cabin I finally look over at Walker. He's pacing a new path into the sandy beach of our lakeshore, cursing under his breath. Looking over at me, he stops and stares.

"Jenny...I?" he stammers. "Dammit!"

He turns around, squats down and runs his hands through his hair. Suddenly, he springs up and stalks over to me, crushing my lips with another heated kiss before breaking away to run up towards the house.

As he moves away from me, I watch him jump up his front porch steps. Just then, Candice opens the door and comes out onto the porch to greet him with a peck on the cheek. I see him flinch then step back, looking one last time in my direction before retreating into the house.

I have no idea what just happened, but I know exactly what I'm going to do about it. When he was fixing his clothes, I saw Walker's tattoo. I saw the band he has around his arm; it's the infinity knot. The same one I gave him at the ceili years ago.

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Photograph Copyright 2018 A. E. F.

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