Do I have to choose? (BTS x Ftm Reader)

Chapter 3

"Luka put me down!" My legs were flailing in the air as my fists pounded into the tall man's back. He was wincing in between silent chuckles as he carried me around like a small child on his arm. I was only in this situation because I decided to practice on a free day, and he wasn't having it apparently. A bunch of the trainees wanted to go out for lunch as a celebration for all the hard work we've put in this year. It wasn't exactly my crowd so I declined to explain that I wanted to work on some things. Big mistake. As soon as I said that a large pair of tan arms wrapped themselves around my waist, hoisting me off the ground effortlessly. "And why wouldn't you be joining us?" Luka's beautiful English reached my ears, and I groaned while still kicking.  He was a handsome mixed Korean boy who lived in Canada most of his life so his English was always so delicate and perfect to listen to. His curled black locks fell in front of his rounded wire glasses as he batted his lashes pleadingly. As long as I've known him I'd taken note of the fact that no one can argue with him, he always won whether it be through cuteness or consciousness he remained the victor. "But I want to practice..."

"I'll have the kimchi stew," I say kindly to the waiter who was tending to our large group.  "What about banchan?" Daejung interjected quickly knowing very well that I wouldn't even be finishing the stew. But even though I opposed, everyone agrees upon ordering side dishes. Groaning in pure defeat, my head lays on the table as I feel my back being rubbed softly. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're just as bad as a girl. Are you trying to diet or something (L/n)? You're already so small," Seok sighed from the other side of the table and a twinge of dysphoria hit me. But he did say "If I didn't know any better," clarifying he sees my masculinity and thinks nothing different of it. Him being one of the most observant of us all, it's more than reassuring to hear that he doesn't see a girl. I shift in my seat to look up and face him amongst the chatter. "Thank you." He cocked a brow in confusion as I remove Daejung's hand from my back, but he didn't think too much about it as he shook it off and finished off his drink.

Lunch turned into dinner and we spent most of our night in one of the restaurant's private rooms. Lots of trainees started to pile out around 10, leaving me, DaeJung, Luka, a girl named Hanuel and Seok with a few other people I can't quite remember the names of. My mind was starting to become a little fuzzy. About an hour ago Luka had offered me a drink which I at first declined because I'm used to American law, but I realized where I was and slammed a few back. A few became a lot, and then a ton and now I'm not sure if I know how to count. I need more soju. I stand slowly walking towards the rooms sliding door, stumbling as I go. "(Y/n), I think you had too much. Stay with me." One of the girls who stayed wrapped herself around my shoulders in an obnoxiously flirty way. She wanted to take advantage of the situation to get in my pants. No ma'am, not today. I shrug her off quickly, miscalculating how far to step away making myself very dizzy. My hands pry open the door, but my feet feel light. Another set of arms are wrapped around me, and my flushed face was pressed into a broad chest that smelled so welcoming. I nuzzle into the sheer warmth for a moment then bring my eyes up to my captor. "Do you just go weak at the knees when I'm around (L/n)?" A beautiful pair of plump lips curved into a playful smirk. I must've fallen into him again. The small group I was with stopped their idle chatter, and bowed in respects to what I'm assuming were all members of Bangtan. "Good evening, Hyung-nims." , "Hello, Bangtan Sunbaes," were some of the few commentaries I heard. I stood straight and apologized for something like this happening for the second time as I feel, once again, someone arms around my body. Huggy evening, isn't it? "I'm glad to see you're enjoying a night off." Seokjin, even though I just pulled away, embraced me once more in a friendly hug as his youngers questioned who I was. On my side of things, the other trainees gasped in shock. Clearing his throat to direct the attention to himself Jeongguk leans into the room. "Bye bye now, 'Angel.' We have dinner plans. See you later," Jeongguk pulls his hyung off of me and down the hall with the rest of the band that seemed to lose interest with the encounter. Leaving me in a room full of curious looks, and what I didn't know at the time, people jumping to conclusions.

Everything started to change soon after the restaurant. Other trainees didn't invite me out anymore, I was the only person at night practice. Luka didn't tease me, Seok didn't tell me to rest, and DaeJung didn't try to introduce me to girls like he said he would when we were drinking even though he seems to be a man of his word. Everyone just became so distant with me. I wondered what I had done wrong. Was I that bad of a drunk? Or am I just that awful to be around? The meals that had just begun faded into just-drinks once again. My body hasn't had a break in almost a month like before, and review was rearing its ugly head for us all. But I'm alone. I haven't even seen Jisoo for the past week due to her working. I was never the type to enjoy being in large crowds or big groups, but this was beyond lonely. As time passed my mind started to stick to one idea, and one idea alone.

I'm not good enough.

{A/N} Short chapter I know, but I am actually working on updating more frequently. I'm somewhere between writer's block and genuine fear of being the worst writer. I'm writing though, I really am. I hope you guys are liking the story even a little. Thank you, my lovely readers,