Do I have to choose? (BTS x Ftm Reader)

Chapter 34

Should I be worried?

It's a thought I never would've guessed would come around when it came to Jeongguk.  But here I was, shaking and forgetting where I was with each passing second.

My binder some how felt tighter, and my skin was warm. Everything was crashing down around me yet no one else could see. They just continued on with their game.

It's getting dark in the room. Everyone's voice become so muddled yet it's like they are screaming at me.

'You're done for now. Idiot.'

My throat constricts, leaving air caught and I heave in attempt to make it stop.

'Did you really think that they wouldn't be disgusted by you?'

I had faith in them, in him, so why does this hurt so much. They don't say it directly, but aren't they supportive?

'Sure, freak.'

A hand lands on my should causing me to jump nearly out of my skin. I was weak, miserable and any light I once saw faded away without a trace. My attention was now caught though by a voice beckoning to me.

"(Y/n)," Taehyung with a confused expression meets my eye, "truth or dare?" I nod awkwardly as if I actually understood the question. Nothing being said made sense to me at the moment. I was trying hard not to seem out of it, but every second that passed the boys were so far from my reach while my own thoughts echoed louder. Everything seemed wrong. I choked out a "Dare," and shifted further back against the wall where I sat.

My discomfort must've been obvious because a hand landed on my shoulder causing me to jump. "Are you alright? You can stop playing if you'd like." It was Taehyung again, but I couldn't bring myself to actually look at him. I was scared.

I was terrified

"(Y/n), we never finished our conversation about that song Seok is writing. Do you want to take a walk while these guys play?"

I wasn't sure who it was because I never had a conversation like that, but I nodded without a word and immediately stood up. I knew it was just an attempt to get me out of there for the time being. I'm sure anyone could see that. So whoever called to me was doing me a big favor. He was saving me before things could get any more complicated. I'd be less of an inconvenience...

The room was quiet as I shifted over to the door in hopes of quickly ending the awkwardness. A hand reached for mine just as I left the circle, and we quickly made our exit to the hall. Though the idea of leaving was based on the fib of a conversation, no words were spoken between us. The only real communication being the taps of our foot steps in the hall

There's no telling how long it was that the silence paraded around me. My negative thoughts slowly appeased themselves for the time being. Though I wasn't fully prepared, the calm made my vision clear for the first time since leaving Hoseok's room.

"I'm sorry," now that i could process clearly I came to realize that Jeongguk was standing right beside me with a tired expression. "Namjoon Hyung is better at understanding these things than I am. Maybe even Yoongi Hyung..."

With every word Jeongguk seemed to be more gentle with his delivery, almost as if he were speaking to a child he didn't want to scare.

"When you said that back there, did you mean you're going through trans...transition?" He seemed stuck on what words to use even though he was correct. It was hard not to admire the effort, but also fear his opinion. I wanted to respond, but I just started like an animal caught in headlights. Ironically it was probably similar to how Jeongguk looked when he found me.

"(Y/n), I don't see you any different. But," Jeongguk looked at the ground as his voice cracked a little bit. "It's kind of scary. Aren't the surgeries dangerous? What if something goes wrong with your needles? You're not going to die, are you? Do you have to wear that shirt thing? Isn't it bad to over wear it-"

The rambling was endless. I couldn't help myself when I just blinked. His knowledge isn't much on the subject, but enough for him to sound so worried.

Jeongguk lifted a big weight off my shoulders with every question. He didn't reject me, he just doesn't understand the health part of it all. I was so relieved that I felt hot tears welling up in my eyes with no control.

"-and you barely eat! You can't expect your body to be prepared for changes when... (Y/n)? Oh no, I'm sorry. Did I make you cry again? Shit," Jeongguk reaches for my face. His hands cradle my cheeks softly as his thumbs wipe away the streams from my bottom lids. The safety in this moment seemed unbreakable. I panicked when all Jeongguk needed was a moment to think.

There wasn't much said on the way back to the room. Just the occasional nudge, and chuckle. But Jeongguk and I were both a lot better than before. When we arrived in front of the door however, Jeongguk grabbed my hand.

"Hey, I'm pretty sure they went to bed by now. But we didn't really get to play earlier," Jeongguk sighed in disappointment as he pointed out we missed the game of Truth or Dare. I felt bad for making him miss it considering he was so excited. I wanted to apologize, but before I could Jeongguk smirked devilishly.

"You chose dare when it was my turn to ask you."

So he asked me orginally.

"Angel, I dare you to kiss me... kiss me like you mean it."