Do I have to choose? (BTS x Ftm Reader)

Chapter 5

Author's note:

Before we get started with this chapter, I wanted to clear up a few things. This story is taking place in an alternate timeline. Anything happening with Bts or you is going to be compared to similar real life ordeals but set later on and differently. So in this story there will be mention of tours, and different events you may not of heard of before, that is because this is more of an AU time/plot line. Just so everyone knows and don't attempt to out fact me and call me fake Army as people have in the past with my writing. Without further ado, enjoy the story.

When I first moved back to Korea I was afraid of having a dorm. Scared someone would see me at the wrong time, or find something they shouldn't. So I got a small studio apartment, just one big room with all my necessities in it, other than a bathroom, with enough space to practice. I realize now that this was a mistake because the atmosphere never changes, nothing can distract me and loneliness is so much louder. How would I know? Well..

"(Y/n), you need to come out. It's been two weeks..." Jisu seemed almost in tears as she begged at my door for the third time today. I quit BigHit, and I've been locked up inside ever since. I'm not sure why I did it, I hadn't done anything wrong. Guilt wasn't my problem, so why was I here?

This pattern of Jisu coming to see me, but I never answered the door repeated for what felt like ages. She'd knock, and call me all her sweet nicknames, I'd sit in front of the door and knock back so she knew I was there while listening to her try to plead with me. I know this whole time I've been pretty over dramatic, that I've gone the extra mile for nothing more than a step but I feel that I am her greatest disappointment. She put so much effort into, and I just quit because of rumors. If anyone should be begging to see the person on the other side of the door, it should be me to her. But instead, I sit, listening to her missing me and believing in me. I'm so sorry...

My tired eyes open to shadows, and sapphire hue of the moonlight painting the ceiling and walls. The sound of another soft thudding that resonated through my room as I rub my weary eyes. I must've fallen asleep beside the door because as I shuffle around for a moment I see the shadow of the strangers' feet under a small wooden crack. "Listen, Jis-" I'm interrupted though it's not a voice I expected in the least. "(L/n), I'm sorry, I didn't realize our meeting would cause you so much trouble," he had such a sad tone in his voice that it pained my heart to hear. In the background, small hicks and sniffles could be heard from a second visitor. Jisoo must've been standing beside him. I curl my hand into a first and tap my knuckles against the wooden border that lied between us. In a small burst of excited relief, I hear him call my name once more while attempting to turn the door handle. Reflexively I grabbed the handle as well to hold the door shut as I made sure that I had locked it. With a sharp, heavy sigh he leaned against the frame. "Please... it's been so long. When was the last time you went out? Have you even been to a store for food since you've left?" He was right. I hadn't been to the market in a while, my fridge was practically empty. But I can manage without being told I'm behind on things. I just want to be alone a little longer. No, I need to be alone longer. "Please, go away Mr.Kim." Bet no one ever expected me to say that, but it had to be done.

We sat there in silence for a long time, the only sound being the soft whimpers of Jisu. The tension becoming so painfully thick that it seemed almost smothering. I'm amazed he came here with Jisu, I feel grateful but I can't face them. I'm too much of a failure for that. I self-loathe, and make things worse on myself too much to even think about opening the door. "I don't deserve this... please leave. I'm hopeless."

Jin (earlier that day)

It had been a while since the group had an honest break. We were weak, and sore from all the travel, shoots, fan signs, and shows. So when we got news that we were going home, I couldn't wait to fall into my soft bed and cuddle with my little Eomuk and Odeng. They probably miss me as much as I miss them. But of course, I, and the rest of Bangtan have to make a pit stop at the company offices before actually getting to relax. I don't wannnnaaaa...