Do I have to choose? (BTS x Ftm Reader)

Chapter 18 (short)

Seok pov

Is it wrong to laugh while listening to all the commotion happening on the other end of the phone? After my comment, Bangtan lost their shit. There was denial, and awkward stutters. Annoyed voices asking things like "Why wouldn't you like (Y/n)?"

Judging by their tones, my existence was entirely forgotten. I hang up the phone and swivel around in my desk chair. Now it's cliche to think that a group of famous and super handsome men have feelings for the timid self deprecating individual who is a nobody compared to them. It's super fictional, and sounds completely corny. But these guys are love sick without even knowing it. (Y/n) was their Cinerfella, and they were the handsome princes at the ball. Very cliche.

I've taken notes on them to be honest. My hands slide into the bottom drawer of the my desk looking for said notes to jot down this information.  Some would find me very strange for keeping such notes. My finger tips roam over the spiral bound book as I think about what it means to me and those around me. It is strange. I know that, but these notes are important.

At least (Y/n) says they are.

He tells me often that if I don't understand something I should write it down. To keep track of all the feelings I'd want to comprehend one day. What amazes me though, is that I have no issue spotting others feels of love and such... I just can't feel that myself. If I do carry those emotions, I cant properly express them so not many people understand me either.

It's called Emotional Detachment Disorder, or just EDD. I'm not too different. My emotions are just a bit strange. They don't always come out right, or I don't understand other people's too well. (Y/n) was the only one who knew about this, and he is the one who reads my notes. It was a secret between us too, but he didn't treat me any different. I was a normal person in his eyes. Then again, he wasn't one yo judge. He translated the expressions, or tried to understand me. So, I guess you could say I love him but not like Hoseok and Seokjin Hyung does.

His smile was different than the one on tv, maybe it was softer as he looked at our Maknae.

He seemed jumpy, sometimes his face gets red when talking about (L/n)

Notes like these filled my pages whenever the two came around. They were the kind of things that seemed to hint to romantic feelings toward (Y/n). So it only felt safe to assume. (Y/n) though, he laughs it off when he sees those things. Denial. Just like them. They will realize one day that I wasn't seeing it wrong, there's something there. It might be risky, even hard but I know there is something special blooming.

But the road is pretty long from here, there's so much to think about. Whatever is coming, it is going to be big. I hope they will be able to hold on to bare the storm, because the world is quite ugly.

"It's only a matter of time."