Do I have to choose? (BTS x Ftm Reader)

Chapter 23

{A/N} Hello Nepal, Malaysia, Argentina, Estonia, Serbia, and Belgium! What do you guys think of the new cover?

I don]t really remember much of last night. Whenever I try to think back to the evenings events, I can only feel Jimin's hot breath on my neck. It was so weird. There was no way I would be looking him in the eye anytime soon.

"(Y/n), you sure you don't have a hangover? You've been zoning out all morning." An arm placed itself around my neck. It didn't take much in me to figure out it was Seokjin being such a dad. "I'm fine Hyung," though the air was awkward regardless. I slept alone in Taehyung's bed last night, and the others honestly stayed up to talk to our seniors. The rest of LS sipped my mind until breakfast. Today was just too stressful to handle. I wanted to go home as soon as possible, and practice with no distraction. "Is everyone dressed?" Namjoon leaned against the door frame of the hall, looking at the rest of us who were camped out in the living room. A chorus of 'Yes's replied back. His phone pressed to his ear which he forwarded our answer to whoever was on the other line. "Seijin, Jisu and Hughes are going to be here soon to talk," guess i'm not going home yet.

Nothing was going to be the same between me and everyone in this room after today. Little Sinners was soon to debut, BTS and TxT would show us the ropes and I would be less of a disappointment to myself. When the managers and director arrived we all gathered in the dining area to discuss the next step.

"After a long talk we decided the trainees staying with Bangtan will be Riot and Sin," Seijin was the first to bring up the news. Jisu nodded before quickly interjecting, "If you boys feel that you don't want them in your shared dorm area, we can always secure them a lower level apartment." Daejung nodded as they continued, and slug his ark around me.

Everything wasn't going to be easy from what they described. We we're going to be treated like staff in public, trainees inside and however else after dinner. Practice would be mandatory. Travel was definite, and we only had two months for all of this to happen.  This only meant that we'd be following them on their world stadium tour. Lovely...

Mr.Hughes brought up what he had planned for the Little Sinners as a whole once our debut took place in December. The plan seemed to be that we'd do a 'take over'. A very complicated string of events that we'd need to practice after the tour. And i was already grovelling at the difficulty of it all. It seemed exciting, but it didn't sound like something we expected at all.

This went on for about an hour, and once they left we got to enjoy our day. "Anyone want to play some video games?" Jeongguk flopped onto the couch lazily with a remote in his hand. Taehyung was already setting up the system as everyone pooled into the room. I wasn't too surprised when everyone wanted to join, and they struggle to create a list that would work out properly.

But I couldn't play video games. My anxiety was creeping up my spine like some kind of monsterous leech. Tightness took over my chest while my vision pulsed. I felt as if everyone was watching me, judging my every move. I needed to get out, but not alone. If in left alone god only knows how bad I'll get.

"Daejung, I need to talk to you.... Now."

Like that he's by my side as we slip down the hall. It doesn't take much from him to get me to break down. Before I know it hot tears streamed down my face, my hands clung to his shirt and I muffled my whimpers into his chest. There was no reason for this. Nothing happened that would've caused this. Yet here I was almost screaming as if feigning terror. Something was wrong with me.

You're a reject, what else could be wrong with you?

It wasn't my voice. It wasn't my parents. My body jerks slightly as my eyes roll up to see Daejung's face. He looks so worried, and afraid for me. I know he's trying his best to call me. I recognize that yet I'm so far gone at the same time. So... Why was the voice his?

Because you're a pathetic piece of shit. Do you think he wants to be here?

"N-No," it's choked out. My voice dry yet gulped out from the excessive saliva my mouth was creating. "What? (Y/n) what do you mean?" It was his voice. Daejung was talking to me.

Why couldn't I see him?

Because you're too fucking stupid.

"I-I... No!" I couldn't feel him anymore. He was gone. I was alone in the dark recesses of my mind. There was nothing, but the taunting voices who choked me. I was so scared. I just wanted my friends. I wanted my bandmates, and the boys I've always looked up to. I wanted Jisu. I wanted out.

"-kay? Hey! Are you alright? Answer me!"

"What happened?"

"He just stopped moving. He was upset, and he wanted to talk. I don't know what's happening!"

"(Y/n), can you hear me?"

"Little bird? Oh my god, he's not responding at all."

"Hyung what do we do?"

"Call 9-1-"

"We can't do that. Not only is this your apartment, and this could ruin you. But he will not go to a hospital. This isn't the first time it's happened, can you please move?"

"Seok, are you fucking crazy? He needs help!"

"Do not touch him!"

"Dae-"

"Do not touch his body. I don't care what's going on, the one thing you never do is touch him. Understood?"

"Who are you to make that call?"

"Guys this argument is stupid! Do you see him? He's so drained of color, his skin is almost gray!"

"(Y/n), I'm-"