I'm Your Fool

I have trust - Part 1

All night Justin took care of me, he never left my side. The only times he did that was order in some food for us and go pay for it. He ordered from one of them healthy places so he didn't "ruin his figure". Times like these I believe he's more feminine than what I am. He had ordered us a light pasta meal which was mixed in a light tomato sauce with some low calorie garlic bread on the side, all of it big enough for two people to share.

"So are you okay with me staying here tonight?" He asked with a touch of concern in his voice. He was wary around me all night, I did that to him. And not in a good way. I did it because I hurt him and he wasn't sure he wanted to stay himself. I'm not sure I want him to stay either, I have no idea how I'm going to handle myself around him when I'm in a house and there's nobody else around to witness anything that happens between us. That including us yelling at one another or..something else.

"No, it's fine. Don't be silly, you know you can stay here and there not be a problem. You can stay in the spare room, or the couch. Wherever, so long as you're comfortable." I need to control my nerves, if I heard them just then, then I'm pretty sure Justin heard it.

"Zoey, are sure you're alright with it? You don't sound too enthused by the idea. I'd prefer to stay here so I can make sure nothing else happens to you."

"Justin seriously it's fine. don't worry about it." What could possibly go wrong with their being two ex-lovers alone in one house where they previously had sex? 

"What are you thinking?" You..

"Nothing." Still you..

"I know when you're lying. I also know when you think about me." 

"You do? How?" And why am I only just hearing about this 'ability' he has now? All I ever do is think about him, does he know that too? Is it dangerous for me if he knows that?

"I know because you normally look down while biting your lip and your breathing alters. You take slower and deeper breaths. It's like you're trying to control yourself or something inside of you." 

Control something inside of me? You mean like the urge to jump on you and hold myself against you while feeling your hands roam my body and let you do what you damn well please to me? Why do I still have these urges towards him? And why is he here? I thought he he hated me now and didn't trust me enough to be around me? 

"Why are you here?"

"Why did you just change the subject?"

"Because I don't understand why you want to look after me. You brought me home and now you want to spend the night to 'make sure nothing happens to me'. Any normal person would drop me off, stay with me a while and then they'd go home and ring in the morning to see if I'm better."

"I'm here because I want to be with you, is that so bad? Is it bad that no matter how bad you pissed me off or hurt me-not so long ago may I add-that I want to stay here and get that feeling of security I had back?" He looked so vulnerable. I could see the anger he was trying to show through his body language but it was being held back the..the..I don't know. It was something that I hadn't seen in him, I couldn't put a label on it. 

"Justin I-"

"Don't. I don't need to hear the whole apology speech, that'll just make everything worse than it needs to be." He stood up and walked to the fire place. He leaned against it so his back was to me and he looked out the window, this time he was the one who looked like he was thinking.

I didn't move I just remained sat on the couch, I don't know what I can do. He clearly doesn't want to talk about it but a lot needs to be spoken about. This is the sort of stuff you talk about as a couple, are we a couple? Well it still needs talking about nevertheless. I need to stop being such a wimp and get a backbone and talk about it.