I'm Your Fool

Desks are a must

The morning after was perfect but distant with Justin. He was caring with me, made sure I was okay whenever he could yet he was holding something inside of him which he wasn't letting me see, I just couldn't put my finger on what he was thinking. I was sat at the table with the other employees again while having lunch with them and then Dan came in.

I called him over to sit with me so I could interrogate him about why Justin's being so weird.

"Hey Dan, how's it going?" I asked with a friendly smile.

"You mean how's Justin doing?" He replied with that smirk that all men seem to carry when they know something you want. I hate that men did that, it made feel so..so powerless.

"How did you know I wanted to know about Justin?"

"Because you haven't really been in the office with him today and he's actually spoken to me about your little chat last night. It's not normal for him to confide in me, that usually goes to his private therapist." Justin has a therapist? Since when? Why hadn't he told me about them? That isn't the point here, Justin told Dan about what I told him in private last night. How could he do that?

"He told you what I told him last night? How much did he tell you? And what exactly did he tell you can I ask?" Dan shook his head while wiping his mouth with his napkin after taking a bite of his pasta meal.

"Not like that. He didn't go in to detail about what you told him, all he said was that it was about your ex who wasn't the most reliable or loving person to have by your side. And that you said something about Justin reminding you of him and he's confused about it. And a little hurt by the sounds of it. He doesn't quite know what he's done to deserve that label."

I did say that, I said that I was scared to be with Justin because he brought back memories of my ex and he must have reminded me of him somehow. Why did I have to say that! I was so stupid! I knew that he had problems with opening up to people and trusting them with his heart. I ruined it once with Josh and now I did it with my ex without realising because I never explained it. He must think I'm the worst girlfriend to have, I bet he wants to end it already and it hasn't been a full day yet.

"Oh my god. I can't believe I did that. How could I do that to him? I didn't mean it like that! He'd never remind me of someone so revolting and heartless. I feel so guilty. I didn't mean it like that, you have to believe me. I didn't."

Dan put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him while rubbing my arm and resting his chin on top of my head.

"Sweetie I know that but I'm not the one who you need to be telling it to. Justin needs to hear it, not me."

"I know, I know. I'll go tell him. But before I do, did he sound mad when he was speaking to you about it?"

"No, not at all. He seemed down about it and that's not normal for him. I've never seen him so, well..I don't think I've ever seen him in this stage of his life."

"What does that mean?"

"I meant that I've never seen him fall so hard for someone. He's smitten with you and he hates it when something goes wrong between you two. When you broke up it almost killed him. He was besotted with you and knowing you weren't his kind of dragged him down. That was the first time I saw him cry."

"He cried?" What have I done to him? This man was obsessed with what I could make him feel and I kept screwing it up. I couldn't keep doing that to him, not with the feelings I had for him. We felt the same way for each other and I know how it felt to lose the one you love. I just didn't realise he felt it ten times worse than I did.

"Dan thank you so much for speaking to me about this, I owe you big time!" I gave Dan a quick hug and dashed off to Justin's off.

When I entered he was speaking to someone on the phone, likely to be something about business.