I'm Your Fool

I have trust - Part 2

I told Justin everything about my life that night, what my childhood was like and my teenage years up until today. I've been so scared of telling people what my life was like because I think they'll believe I just want attention. But I had to tell Justin before I lost him forever, I care too much about him to have him out of my life for good.

"When I was a child everything was perfect. My parents spoiled me and my brother. They showed us so much love and affection until we had enough and locked ourselves away in our rooms, and even then they showed too much concern by constantly checking on us." I smiled at thinking of the memory, my parents meant everything to me and they loved until they couldn't give anything else. They were good people.

"My brother was three years older than me so he was the first to leave home at 18 years old. Because I was only 15 at the time he left I found it hard. He was like an emotional rock for me, I always found comfort in him whenever I was scared or having problems. My brother was one of the most caring people I knew and people judged him for being so soft-especially for a 'little girl'-but he didn't care. He told them I was his baby sister and he'd do anything for me, even die for me. Hell he was so soft with me that he bought me pads at the store because I was so nervous to do it myself."

Justin never said anything he just watched me and nodded to tell me to continue every now and then. He held my hand and never let go of it. His silence was enough to let me know he was thinking of where I was going with this and what he could say or do to make it better.

"So as I said my brother moved out when he was 18 and went to some sort of training camp over seas for a year and a half and eventually he joined the military. He came home to visit us sometimes, maybe about twice a year. Most of the time he was either working, training or getting to know new recruits. Then one year that all changed. When I was 17 years old I ended up texting him one night telling him I was in trouble. I explained why and he came home as soon as he could, it took at least a week but when he told his commanding officer what the problem was he let him off duty for a few weeks. They had enough people to take his place and not have any damage taken on the other men." Still a verbal silence.

Simple brushes over my knuckles with his thumb was the communication I received from him. And that was perfect to me. 

"He came home because I had a boyfriend who as I said wasn't the perfect boyfriend. He caused so many arguments with me and my family because he led them to believe I was becoming troublesome and all I wanted to do was party and do drugs. Yet all of that was so false. He took me away from my home and I had no choice to say yes and leave, he threatened me and I was terrified of him. He once said that I didn't do everything he asked of me that he'd get his 'boys' on me and they'd teach me to have manners towards their best friend. And I believed him, because one his boys had once raped me." His hand stopped moving.

His became cold and frosted and the calm look he was carrying had vanished. He looked like he wanted to hit something which terrified me, I tried to move my hand away but he grabbed it and held on to it. 

"Where is this story going?" His voice was short and hoarse. He was mad.

"Please Justin, let me finish." It took a while for him to reply but he eventually gave a short nod and held my hand in both of his once again and looked down at the floor.

"Anyway, I did everything he said because I knew what he said was true. Whenever I came home I smelled of alcohol and weed because that was basically the contents of his house. This then striking worry in to my parents and alerting them to try and get me help to kick the habit I was indulging in. I couldn't tell them the real story, I had the same threat given to me by him if I told anyone what was happening."