Tyler's Battle

Chapter 12 - Saying Goodbye

Tyler gazed out of the window, trying to ignore the knot in his stomach and the lump in his throat. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to see his mum. He didn't want to say goodbye, then it would be real and final. Charlie sat quietly next to him, she could see he was having a hard time, she really didn't know what to say.
Tyler was clutching the dinosaurs so hard his fingers and knuckles were white . Charlie put her hand over his and he let go of the dinosaurs which fell onto his lap

We're nearly there Tyler. I'll take you in and you can spend as much as time as you want saying goodbye. 

Mike parked the car and they all trooped into the building. Mike spoke to the receptionist and a few minutes later a staff member came to show Tyler to the room where his mum was laid out. Mike accompanied Tyler whilst Charlie waited in reception.
They reached the door and Mike put his hand on his shoulder. I'll be just out here if you need me he reassured
Tyler followed the staff member into the room, it was a small room completely unfurnished except for the coffin in the middle, a couple of seats against the wall and a large bouquet of flowers on a small side table. Tyler approached the coffin,he felt sick and nervous, part of him wanted to run away and not look back. He looked into the casket at his mum lying peacefully as if she were asleep. He heard the door click shut as the staff member left him to have a moment alone.
Tyler touched his mum's hand it was so cold. He flinched and withdrew his hand, a feeling of nausea sweeping over him. He clutched the side of the casket to steady himself and gulped mouthfuls of air. Once he had calmed himself, he reached into the coffin and touched his mum's hair. He began to stroke her hair as he had used to as young child and muttered the same soothing words he had so often said before when his mum had been ill and needed calming. He was so entranced that mikes knock at the door made him jump.
Tyler we need to leave soon I'm afraid. Whispered Mike popping his head round the door, not wanting to enter and intrude.
Tyler nodded and Mike shut the door. Tyler spent a few minutes saying goodbye to his mum and then left the room, a lump I'm his throat.
Mike put his arm round Tyler and guided him out to the reception area where Charlie was waiting. She jumped up and joined them and they made their way back to the car.

Thejourney home was a blur, Tyler could barely see through the tears, a whole mixof emotions and thoughts were running through his mind. He was angry that hismum was gone, angry that no one helped her, angry and guilty that he hadn't mether when he had the chance, his whole body ached with grief, and he felt soalone. He had never felt so alone before, not even when he went into care forthe first time.

 He could still remember the day that the social workers came tothe flat and took him away, he hadn't been to school for a week. His mum hadbeen so depressed that she barely got out of bed, let alone took him to school. For a few days, he had walked to schoolhimself, he knew the way well enough but each time the school day seemed likean eternity, waiting to get home and check his mum was ok, and his teacher wasalways asking questions: Why hasn't your unform been washed, wheres your lunchmoney, who's picking you up from school today? In the end, he just couldnt bringhimself to leave her anymore. He had used up all the food in the cupboards, andwas down to the last couple of tins of beans, when his teacher Miss Patel hadarrived with the social worker. At first, he wouldn't open the door but eventuallyhe gave in, he could still hear his mums cries as the ambulance crew loaded herinto the ambulance and the social worker ushered Tyler towards her car.

 Hecould remember arriving at Burnleywood, he had grown up overnight in thatplace, it was nothing like Ashdene Ridge, the staff didn't care, the kids ranriot. It was guaranteed that all your stuff would be nicked unless youbefriended the right people or learnt to fight off the bullies and the staff treated the kids like criminals not children that needed care. As a little boy it had seemed such a big scary house full of strangers.  But that didn'tcompare to how he felt now. His mum was gone, really gone this time, and forthe first time in his life he felt truly alone.