Tyler's Battle

Chapter 35 - Reunion

As they got nearer to the playground Tyler spotted a man sitting at a picnic table. He suddenly realised who it was and felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. His mouth went dry and he felt sick.

I don't understand spluttered Tyler, suddenly routed to the spot.

What's going on asked Alex, the only one in the group that didn't know who the man was

I'll explain later said Charlie barely glancing in his direction

Tyler's dad saw that he had stopped walking over and so he made his way over to the group.

Hello Tyler

Hello

Look I know I'm probably not your favourite person right now. I'm sorry about before, I really am. I didn't know what had happened to your mum

So now you know mum's gone, you suddenly want to play happy families? Why? To make yourself feel better? I don't want your pity and I don't need you cried Tyler a sudden swell of grief and anger had risen in him.

Look I understand it's hard for you right now. You've lost your mum and I'm not about to try and replace her. I couldn't even if I tried. I just want to talk to you.

Fine. You've got 5 minutes.

Well come find you in a bit OK interrupted Charlie

Sure.

Tyler watched as the group turned and headed back to the funfair.

You've got some good friends. Don't take them for granted

They're not just my friends, they're family too

I can see that

They sat down at the table. Tyler wasn't sure what to make of his dad. Part of him hated his dad so much, the other part wanted to grab hold of him and never let go.

I owe you an explanation. Your mum and I we were young. Our relationship was rocky at the best of times. When things were good, it was incredible, some of the best days of my life but when things were bad, it was unbearable. Your mums moods could change so suddenly. Looking back I can see she wasn't well, not really but at the time I didn't realise and I don't think she did either. We broke up and things got messy. Then out of the blue sally told me she was pregnant. I didn't want to know, I was young, naive, selfish. Part of me thought it wasn't true. We lost contact not long after. I moved to London for a job. But I never stopped thinking about sally and the baby. Then a few years later I bumped into a mutual friend. They mentioned that sally had a little boy. That's when I found out I had a son, you.

If you knew about me. Then why didnt you come and find me.

I tried. But it had been years since I'd last seen sally. She'd moved as well and cut contact with almost everyone who knew me. And I didn't even know your name.

Eventually I gave up looking. A couple of years later I met Joanne. We had Sebastian and now Sophie as well. Your brother and sister. I didn't tell her about you, partly because I was ashamed and partly because I knew so little about you that there wasn't really much to tell. But she knows now, I told her everything yesterday evening.

So you know a bit about me now. Why don't you tell me about you?

Nothing much to tell. I lived with mum until I was about five or six. She had bipolar, she became really unwell after I was born and she never really got better. I spent all my time trying to cheer her up and make her happy. You cant begin to imagine what it's like at five years old to worry each day that mum will be to sad to leave the house. That mum will be too sad to get out of bed. I spent whole days trying to cheer her up. Dressing up in silly outfits, telling silly jokes. It never worked but I always tried. Other times she was the happiest mum ever and we would go on outings, do arts and crafts, play at the park but it never lasted long before she became ill again.

Then one time she got so bad that they took her to hospital and I was put in care. I hated it at first, I missed mum so much, I worried how she'd cope without me and it was scary being in a big house full of people I didn't know. But eventually I got used to it and when I moved to Ashdene Ridge, the care home I'm at now, I made friends and for the first I could remember I wasn't scared and I didn't miss mum.

I'm so sorry son. I wish I could of done something.

Yeah right. I bet you didn't even bother looking for me properly

I did honestly I did look for you. I spoke to the few uni friends I still had contact with. Even went to Sally's mums house but she had passed away by then. A neighbour told me but she didn't know where sally was or how to contact her.

When Sebastian was born and I gazed into his eyes. Held his little hands. All I could think of was you, my first born son. Everyday since he was born iv looked at him and been wracked with guilt thinking of the son I never saw grow up.