In movies and books and shit when people wake up from coma, they’re surrounded by weeping family members, a sobbing lover and crying friends.
Not me.
I woke up alone.
One minute I was thinking about death and it’s inevitability and deep shit like that when BAM.
I was awake.
My back and neck hurt like a bitch, my mouth was dry and tasted like ass, the light over head was searing my retinas and I had to pee.
Completely and utterly confused I cleared my throat, hoping someone would here. But of course they didn’t.
Cursing quietly, I fumbled around for some kind of button, but didn’t really have much success since I couldn’t turn my neck in the massive brace I had on.
Giving up I cleared my throat again and tried to speak.
“Hello?” I called out in a soft, rasp barely above a whisper.
“Hi, yeah, I’m awake, can someone get in here and start like crying tears of joy or some shit?”
Suddenly the door swung open and a large African American woman bustled in, her eyes widening at the sight of my eyes open, squinted against the light.
“You’re awake!” she cried, “How you feeling baby?”
“Like shit,” I answered.
“Watch your mouth!” she snapped, crossing over to me and poking my toe with her pen.
“Can you not?” I asked.
“Did you feel that?” she questioned.
“Yes,” I snapped, “You just stabbed me with a pen!”
“Ooooohhhh damn! You’re sassy aren’t you?”
“Where is everyone?” I demanded, “Where’s my girlfriend? Ashton? Where’s Ashton?”
“Who?”
“The dipshit who walked out in front of a bus that I rescued!”
“Baby, I’m a travel nurse, I just got here today.”
“Does anyone visit me?” I cried, “Did they go back on tour without me? What day is it?”
“Young man, you’re gonna need to take a chill pill, you’ve just woken up from a coma after two and a half weeks you need to….”
“You need to tell me what’s wrong with me and why the hell no one has brought me a cookie basket!” I interrupted.
“Damn,” she muttered, “If you were my boy I’d smack the black off your face.”
“What’s wrong with me?” I demanded, “Am I dying? Did someone sacrifice themselves to save me? Is that why no one’s here?”
“Boy, you need to calm yourself, you tore yourself up real good, that’s what you did. Almost broke your back, you’re lucky.”
“So what?” I snapped, “Am I like paralyzed now?”
“No, you had a lot of swelling on your brain, the doctor put oyu in a medically induced coma to bring it do….”
“Say what now?” I shrieked, “What is swelling on the brain, do I have a water head?”
“The f is a water head?” she laughed.
“Do I look like Frankenstein?” I demanded, “Am I hideously disfigured do I look like Igor?”
“Boy you need to relax!”
