Jerusalem

Chapter 16 (The funeral)

     Mr. Tarek was already under the ground, by the time they got there. Commanders, officers, soldiers and most of the ministry men were filling the symmetry . Youssef was dressed in a black suit . Everyone saluted him as he passed through the crowd . His eyes searched for Mr. Tarek's family. For her.

By his grave, stood Mrs Tarek, Mayar and Faras by her side. Where was she? He took two steps forward and he could see her now. She was kneeling by her dad's grave, putting some flowers . 20cm were separating them. But he could clearly see her sparkling eyes and her falling tears , almost like a running stream. She was wearing a black long dress and a black veil . He glanced at her eyes that looked at him. Her eyes were screaming out in pain and he could read only one sentence "I need you". Her look killed him. He turned his head and looked the other way. He couldn't bare looking at her.

At the funeral, sheikh Hassan read a part of the holy Quran. Everyone sat in silence , listening. Youssef thought of every minute he spent with Mr. Tarek. He went through the details and wondered how he didn't find out that Mr. Tarek had cancer. He looked sick , most of the time. Especially at the wedding. The fact that he let Youssef marry his daughter without second thoughts . And how Mariam said yes without even seeing Youssef. It's all because she would have done anything that her father ask her to do. Because he was dying . Youssef figured out that everyone expected his soon death but was shocked about it. Youssef wished that he knew that before. He wished that he spent more time with him. He wished that he talked with him longer. He wished that he explained to Mr. Tarek how much he meant for him.

He couldn't get Mariam out of his mind as well. The way she looked at him . How hurt she was. He never felt so helpless in his like before. There was nothing he could do to fix this. Nothing. After all, death was unstoppable . Other than bringing back the dead, your hands are empty.

Three weeks passed , Youssef had been seeing Faras daily. Asking about him and his family. Giving all the help and support he could offer. Although there is not much that you can do in such situations. Youssef did his best. He and Omar visited them every week. Youssef finished all the death and heritage papers for them. Any slight problem that rise, Youssef would solve it immediately. He knew well enough that he couldn't take Mr. Tarek's place in their lives. No one can.

Mariam stayed at his house for the past three weeks. She didn't leave the house, not even once. She didn't visit her family and she didn't let them visit her. Youssef was worried about her but he couldn't go there at that time. He knew she needed to be alone but he couldn't let her all by herself. People tend to do crazy things in times of grief. So he got a maid into the house to keep her eyes on Mariam.

Youssef's phone was ringing on his desk, as he was outside the office observing his soldiers training. He just signed on the papers of the last shipment of weapons that reached the base. When he heard his phone, he went to pick up.

"Sir, I'm so sorry. But she fired me and rushed out of the house. I don't know where she went" the maid said

"When did she leave?"asked Youssef , feeling his blood pressure.

"Ten minutes ago. I'm sorry, i couldn't stop her" said the maid. Youssef hung up and went straight to the symmetry . He ran to the grave. When he arrived there, he saw her on her knees, in front of her dad's grave . He kept his distance and watched her in silence. She stood up and sat on a bench , her eyes still fixed on the grave. So Youssef walked towards her and sat beside her. He raised his hands opened to his face and read El Fatha for him. For a while , she said nothing . She didn't cry either . She just sat there, drowning in her thoughts.

".... You know.... What's killing me? It's our little talks, the little things , the tiny details. I remember everything, like it was yesterday. It's like reliving the whole situation . Only... Only that there is no one there. It's only you, alone. "

"Every night I go to sleep and I have the exact same dream: I walk into the house and find the whole family gathered around him. I run and throw myself in his arms. I hug him so hard to make sure that he is here. And I figure out that it's all been a lie. And he was just out of town. But he came back. It felt ..... It just felt so real. He wasn't dead. He wasn't dead." She cried out, stood up and started breaking all the plants pots.

"No, no, please no. He is not dead. He is not gone . No, I will never see him again. This can't be true . Please, nooooo" she screamed as she fell to the ground. Youssef got down and held her so strong. She kept kicking and screaming trying to jump out of his hands . But he didn't let her go. His hands were wrapped around her waist. He dragged her back and sat on the bench , not letting her go. Quietly he whispered in her ears:

"Calm down, Mariam. Just calm down" he let go of her waist , pulled her close , his hand on her shoulder . He started moving his hand up and down her arm.

"It's okay, Mariam . It's going to be okay. And I'm going to be here to make sure of that" he said loud enough to reach her core.

In his arms, she could feel him breathing . A moment ago, she was ice cold. She was dying . But now, in that exact moment, she felt somehow warm. She felt that it's okay not to be okay.

She sat straight and he slipped his hand away. She put on her bag, he stood up. The two of them faced each other. Their eyes staring at each other. Mariam swear that she could hear her heart beats. Thousands of voices were screaming in his mind. Sounds of sense and reason. But none of them was louder than the sound of his heart. There was no distance for air between them.

"Youssef , you are here"said a voice coming from behind . Youssef stepped back and found Omar coming up to them.

"I'm here" he finally said.

"Ma'am" Omar said noticing that Mariam was there as well .

"Sir" with a quick look at him, she said. Then turned to Youssef .

"I should go now" she said passing by him. He turned and watched her as she walked away.

"Youssef, she is gone. " Omar said trying to get his attention.