Jerusalem

Chapter 31 (The skyline splits in two)

       Remember you are born to live. Don't live because you are born. Don't go the way life takes you. Take life the way you go-I believed in this for as long as I remember.

From the beginning I've trying to take this war the way I go. And now I see, that you take what you get. And you never know anything till you try. No matter what they say, you don't see till you see by yourself.

War is not about angles. It shows you how unfair is just our lives. Not for one second I doubted that we are going to win but standing here, now, I have to admit that I am not sure. And honestly I think that no one is ever sure. The only thing I'm sure of is God. I'm sure that God is on our side, which makes me wonder what about people who don't believe in God? How do they go on living life without believing in something constant? Because everything other than God is variable. And if everything is variable, then you can never be sure of anything.

Hand straight, aim, shoot. That's how they teach you to fire a gun. But they don't tell you about the minute, your bullet hits the target. They don't tell you the expression on their face, the dying expression. I've killed many people before this war. But killing in war is different. It's no longer a mission that includes killing some bad guys and go back. It's more like a life style, a daily routine. And I can't help but wonder how it feels, when a bullet hits a string and you know for sure that this is it. That you are going to die.

The truth is, Mariam, you can never be ready to die. No matter how you surrender yourself, give your life for your country, for your cause and get prepared for the end of your life. But that very minute of death, no, you are not ready. Before I couldn't care less about life or death. But now, now I look at myself and see a guy that looks a lot like me but he had come a long way since he stepped in Egypt. He is no longer the guy I used to know. He changed. And I never believed that people can change but I did. Having a place i can call my home changed me, being close to God changed me, love and being loved *by you* changed me, War changed me.

It's a rich man war, a poor man fight. I suppose you are familiar with this phrase. But this is not the case here. It's everyone's fight. But still that doesn't make it less cruel. And that's what war is, it's cruel. And blood, oceans of blood is violent. My eyes are painted red and my soul is slowly breaking down. Today I heard the news of our casualties and in this moment it's getting old. When will we see the end? Of the days, we bleed for what we need.

The writings on Jerusalem walls, those who came before left pictures frozen still, in time. It makes me wonder whose side were they be fighting for today? Or would they even fight?

I sit and wonder why: why there were nights that we slept while others were homeless, weeping with regret, hunger, fear. But the worst of all are kids. Innocence and war doesn't collide. Or they shouldn't collide. But the rules of war doesn't apply to humanity. There is nothing human about war. It is said that war is about courage, about knights defending and fighting, about nobility and bravery. Maybe in the first month, in the first day, in the first hour but the rest is pure MISERY. All we leave in this world is scars. The glory of war is a myth. There is no glory in war, only in winning.

It's just another night and I'm staring at the moon. I saw a shooting star and I thought of you. Just you and I , under one sky. Take love, multiply infinity and take it to the depth of forever..and you still have a glimpse of how I feel for you, Mariam.

Three months passed and the war continued. Nothing goes as planned. Plans are changed on a daily basis. Egypt was moving forward inch by inch. But it was moving. Israel was retreating slowly, taking as many lives as it can. No Israelian would die without taking one of us with him to the land of dead. Tanks and planes were aiming to destroy the Israel colony. Burn it to the ground. And the funny thing is that Israel was helping them wiping their buildings out. Israel was afraid of losing and it had every right to be. After all who would have thought that Egypt would rise and rise against Israel?! Europa was losing it, not knowing how to step in that unexpected war. How to support Israel? None of their countries wanted Egypt to win. Isn't it enough that Egypt was developing itself from the inside out? Now it's in a war against Israel ?! What happened to the world?

Maybe it's back to normal.