Jerusalem

Chapter 34 (The sharp knife of a short life)

     When someone die, you burry him, make him a funeral and maybe go home and grieve by yourself. Naturally you got time, people give you time.

But in war, you got no time, no time to even grieve. Kill or die. That's what war is all about.

I kept holding Ali's body for what seems like eternity. I think Omar was talking to me, trying to say something but I couldn't make any sense of what he was saying. What could he be saying? Does it matter? No, nothing matters anymore and nothing will ever matter again.

I stood up and carried Ali on my back . I started moving towards (Al Masged Al Aqsa) . I don't know how long it took but when I finally got there, I realized Omar was following me all the way , protecting my back I guess, so that I wouldn't get shot. Just let me get shot, if no one did it by the end of this war, I'll do it myself. I put Ali on the ground and started digging, i lowered his body slowly in there and...buried him. As I stood there looking at what seemed like his grave, I heard a sound in my ears. It was my heart breaking inside, Ali. My heart, the one made of stone, the one that doesn't beat. It broke into a million pieces over you. Losing you was never an option to me. I honestly thought I would die but not you, never you.

I went inside the mosque and prayed for you, Omar came along and some of the guys in the mosque shared the prayer with us. Some guys that didn't know you, that never will. Is this your funeral praying? For real?

I got out and walked to your grave. It was still there and I asked myself what did I expect? That you'll walk out of there or something. Actually I did expect that. See, I was that desperate. God, can't time pass quickly? Can't time pass at all? I don't want to live through every second of this. God, I just...I don't want to feel this ...this. I wish I could just turn it all off. No emotions, no feelings what so ever. Why don't we have emotions switch or something? So that we don't have to feel this...this horrible...horrible feeling of heartbreak, loneliness and fear. And do you know what hurts the most, Ali , that I couldn't talk about you with anyone. The only person that I will talk about it with is you, actually. And now... You are...Gone.

And the War must go on. Through the days, I just kept my hand on the trigger, killing and killing, as if killing all the Israelines won't be enough to revenge you. Well, it won't bring you back anyway. Omar was sticking by my side, as a shadow. I think he was afraid I will kill myself if I had a moment alone. I wouldn't even disagree with him because I might have done it.

We followed through the plan and took control of Jerusalem. And just like that, we won the War and freed Jerusalem.

Just Like That.

We flew back home, entering the Egyptian airport, we were welcomed as heroes. It seemed that all of the people gathered in front of the airport, cheering and clapping, throwing flowers at us as if we were royals.

My mind could only think that the changes brought by death are in themselves so sharp and final and so terrible and melancholy in their consequences, that thing stands alone in man's experience and has no parallel upon earth. It outdoes all other accidents because it is the last of them. Death doesn't take them away utterly but leaves behind a mocking, tragical and soon intolerable residue, which must be hurriedly concealed.

That's when my eyes fell on her, she was running, pushing people to pass, fighting to get through, she crossed the barrier between us and the people, she practically jumped over it and rolled down the second one. It took her seconds to jump into my arms.