Jerusalem

Chapter 43 (Rain over me)

A week later, it was awful, every minute was worse. I just went on living or dying, no difference. I didn't even notice when the winter arrived. I was always a winter person. It was and is my favorite time of the year. And here in Jerusalem it rained every day. I loved the rain for as long as I remember, nothing made me happier than running and playing under the rain like a maniac. But now, now I actually felt sad and cold inside watching the rain drops. It felt like the sky is crying.

I left the window side and went over to carry my packed bags. Salma stood carrying her bags as well, she smiled at me warmly.

"Are you sure, Mariam?"she asked

"Yes, let's just go and get out of here."I said, my voice lower than I expected.

We stepped out of the hotel, took a cap to the airport and waited for our flight back to Egypt.

The call for our flight started.

"Mariam, ready? Mariam"Salma said

"Huh?"I said, my mind was exploding since I got into the airport.

"Are you ready to go?"Salma asked me slowly. I couldn't answer, I just stood there, my eyes wandering. I tried to stop it, I tried to hold it together. But my heart did it. Did it again. My heart betrayed me.

"I'm sorry, Salma. I have to go."I said, running out of the airport. I practically jumped in front of the taxi to stop it. It was raining heavily by the time I was halfway there, and the road was blocked by a tree that fell off by the wind. So I steeped out of the taxi and ran, as fast as my beating heart. I knocked, more like breaking down the door. I was losing hope when the door opened. Youssef stood in front of me, he looked surprised. Maybe he thought I was gone. Surely he knew I booked a ticket. He stepped outside and the rain fell over us.

"Youssef, I... I couldn't leave. I couldn't. I couldn't move. Because I don't care about her, I don't care about what you did or what happened. I don't care why or how you did this to me, Youssef. I'm exhausted, Youssef. I'm so tired of pretending to hate you while I can't stop loving you."I said louder than the rain. The sound of sense and logic were not loud as the sound of my heart.

"I know..God, I know. I know what you're going through. But Ali is dead, Youssef. He is dead. But you're not, you're here and you're alive. So stop it, stop burying yourself with him. Stop punishing yourself. Stop pushing people away from you. His death wasn't your fault. He chose to save you, it was his choice. And he knew like all of us that you would have done the same for him in a heart beat. He wanted you to live, Youssef. He wanted you to be happy."I screamed out, crying.

"You should go, Mariam. The next flight is an hour from now"he said looking at his watch. My heart sank as my lungs flooded in my chest.

"Is that it? This is all you have to say to me."

"Yes."he said coldly. I turned around and took a step.

"Safe flight"he said, I gave him a look with my flooded eyes and with all I got I moved fast away from him. I didn't see where I was going, my eyes were fixed on my feet making sure they're moving forward, quickly. That's why I didn't notice the car heading towards me. I had no time to move, I froze and I knew that this would be my final death before a hand stole me from the arms of death. He snatched me out of the way and into his arms. He was breathing rapidly, he probably was running to get to me.

"Were you trying to kill yourself or something ?" He shouted at me.

"At least look where you're going"he shouted again.

"Like you care"I said freeing my arm from his grip.

"Just leave me alone. Just go. Leave" I shouted under the rain.

"Are you okay?"he asked in a lower tone

"Am I okay? What do you think, ha? Do I look okay to you?"I shouted louder

"I'll drive you to the airport"he said calmly

"Go to hell." I screamed hitting his chest. He held my fists.

"Let me go. I hate you."I shouted and before I know it, he kissed me, he held my face with his hands. I tried pushing him away with my hands, hitting hard against him. He didn't seem affected as he kept kissing me, demanding, roughly and passionately then he let go of my lips. My eyes shot him with daggers and knifes while his eyes kept gazing at me.

"I'm sorry but I had to" he said and I pulled his leather jacket with my hands, stepped on his feet and kissed him back with all my love and hate, with all my passion and madness , I kissed him with all my heart.

"Don't be"I whispered in his ear. I knew this wouldn't change a thing.

"Send me my divorce papers, Youssef."I said, and walked away crying with the rain.