Here comes the fact I never wanted to admit; I held onto you for dear life for my heart failed to accept the loss of yours, but you forgot about the most vulnerable part of me, that I gave out to you ages ago.
I've come to terms with the one thing I never expected; you stopped caring.
It was in the way you started saying I love you before disconnecting the call, in a matter of exhaustion you never showed before, the warming tone of your voice was gone and dullness was the only thing I felt after putting down the phone.
It was in the way you started spelling my name as if I was just another stranger you used to love one day, as if I don't make your heart skip a beat or make you nervous you can't speak.
But nevertheless I still held on.
It was in the way you started showing the cold shoulder at the sight of my tears, almost stating that you're not bothered, not a little, to see my broken heart stream down my face, you couldn't begin to care if I was on my own at a time when I needed you the most or if I was getting panic attacks and you pretended not to know.
It was in the way you started to forget about me being a contact in your phone, never noticing if I replied to your very rare texts or if I don't, never tiring yourself to wonder what I'm up to or if I deserve a cute text after two days of no you at all.
It was in the way you started to distance yourself in any way, almost forgetting that the sight of my face once lit up your day, or that my scent twisted your insides once upon a fairytale, or that the sound on my voice was your calm after the countless storms.
Yet I never wanted to pay mind to any of that.
It was in the way you started to let go of my hand at any given chance, almost making me forget what it felt like when you first held my hand and tightened you hold in an 'I'm never letting go' matter, and I believed you because of that sparkle you had in your eyes, that now lack any sort of emotion.
It was in the way you started paying no attention to my presence, how I had to acknowledge that I'm there or that I missed your face to get a reaction out of the boy I once thought I was the center of his world, only to realize that now I'm no more than a dying star that was never meant to illuminate.
It was then that I realized I was taken for granted, it was then that I knew I couldn't let go of you before, for I am a fool who needed you to stay alive and you were selfish enough to love the attention I gave you knowing very well I couldn't handle losing you.
But you stopped loving me long before I managed to notice, I was in so deep I couldn't make out the difference.
But now, I am no longer a fool to beg for the love of a boy who took me, heart and soul, for granted, who loved to see me suffer while he swallowed all my feelings to his huge pride and to satisfy his ego.
I am letting go.
I won't hold on a hand that would easily let go, I won't tighten my grab on a heart that cracked me in two.
YOU ARE READING
The Chaos Of A Human.Being
RandomA couple of words thrown around in the form of thoughts.
