The Chaos Of A Human.Being

Simplicity is for people who don't look

A fascination with the clouds, that's the one thing I have known to be constant in my self. The one thing my attraction to never subsided.
When I was six years old my mother used to take me out for a walk an hour before sunset, just when the clouds all gathered around the sky, covering it the way a mother covers her child, and I would wonder why people always spoke of the stars and how beautiful they are, but never came across the clouds.

It felt terribly odd how captured I was by them. It fascinated me how they always moved, rotated, circled like they couldn't stand to remain in the same place, as if the surroundings bored them and they desired a rebellious sight, anything that pleases sore eyes, so they moved around until something captured their attention enough to make them stay. And then there were those other times when it felt like they were in a hurry to get somewhere, as if all the time in the world wasn't enough and they needed to rush everything, rush the rotation of earth around the sun, rush the day to blend into night, rush the rain to come pouring so the skies would split apart, rush whatever comes in their way so they can arrive somewhere or nowhere. Yet other times it felt like they were in a hurry to disappear, disappear behind the stars and the moon, blend once again into the sky until they became one.

And god was I fascinated, so fascinated that it drove me wild when only the stars were appreciated in books and in people's minds, when stars never move, never change their position or the way the look, never change their color, only capable of giving birth to a miracle once a decade, when even shooting stars were a once in a lifetime. I decided then that stars don't intrigue me, not the way clouds do at least, they could never be glowing white like a flower crown in the middle of summer, they could never turn red with anger at the sky, they could never heave when they crack from sadness, stars are unmoving bright stuff that do nothing but light up the sky, only existing when said sky is calm and disappearing whenever drizzle was allowed down.

Later on I turned seventeen, and the picture I painted of how useless the stars were started fading away, I realized then that stars aren't as simple as I willed them to be. I learnt of something named binary pairs; a system where a star tends to lend it's other half light so they can both glow as one, a system where a star sticks to it's other half no matter how dim it is, a system where a star doesn't mind running out of light so it's other half can survive. Then I fell in love with the stars. Then I knew that the clouds and the stars are not one for me to compare them with each other.

And it became a fascination with the clouds, a love for the stars, and an intense appreciation for the galaxy and anything that came along with it.
Yet this whole admiration that ran in my veins complicated my thoughts, and somehow made me wonder if I was still talking about the stars and the clouds or if I was drifting off to something entirely different.