The third Planet

26. Terror and Agony

Claire's POV

I looked from the bleeding corpse on the soil to Tim.

He on the other hand looked at me. He just watched me. I felt my knees shaking under his gaze. My eyes wandered to the ground.

Not to Niklas but just to the gras under my feet. My lips felt dry.

I shook my head and then I started running. Tears made my sight like milk. I heard Tim follow me, quiet and without any words.

I stumbled forward without any notice towards what I was sprinting till I suddenly fell over a root and landed in the mud.

I rolled over onto my back.

Tim kneeled down beside me. He pushed one strand out of my face softly.

"I'm sorry for what happened. I truly am" he said. His voice was as soft as his touch.

Tears washed some mud off of my face, leaving white traces.

"I killed him. A real human. Just because..." I gulped and tried again. "Just because of what he said. I-I am so different... I don't like the change."

"Come here, I'll help you" he said as he extended one hand. I grabbed it.

Rain started pouring, soaking the grass and changing it into more and more mud.

Tim held me tight, not letting go. My head leaned on his shoulder and his face was buried in the crook of my neck.

Soon after I stood there a few moments I felt uneasy. He told me, he loved me. The position he was holding me in was so intimate that I needed to hold on to not push him off of me.

His hands glided down my back to my waist, holding me even closer. Even through the thick layer of metal I felt his warmth.

"Tim?" I asked carefully.

He shook his head and whispered: "I know...just let me-let me have one moment of illusion. One moment I can think you're mine."

He stayed silent for a minute.

"Say it" he said then, still whispering.

I shook my head.

"Please, just once. One beautiful lie. For me, just once."

"It wouldn't be true. Tim, you have to stop loving-"

"Why can't you love me back? I wouldn't hurt you. I was there for you when she wasn't" he cried out, his head still on my shoulder.

This made me even more uncomfortable but I stayed in his arm. 
Unfortunately his lips brushed the sensitiv skin on my neck I pulled away.

Enough is enough. You did nothing wrong this time. Don't feel guilty. Don't.

And I really tried.

Gently I let a melody slip.

It was the first time since so long.

Tim watched my every step as if he wanted to remember how my muscles worked under my training trousers.

Still, even with Tim behind me, with his admitted love and the embrace, all of the melody, all my thoughts were about Ana.

All of her.

How I wished it wouldn't have been Tim who hugged me, but her.

It got more darker and colder the longer we kept walking. I got nervous. My eyes darted in every direction, expecting enemies and traps.

My muscles tensed and my hand didn't even let go of my sword one minute.

I turned around to face Tim. His face was clear and calm. There was no hidden secrets behind it, like all the other persons I met.

He would be good for you.

Sure.

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Not sure. But... judging from the temperature... we're close."

I nodded in agreement.

"Let us stay. Just one more night" he said. In his voice were traces of sadness and desire.

In an instant I felt it too. Desire. I longed for a normal peaceful life. A life with the beloved ones by my side. I wanted all this to end, to just stay and lean back without the fear to get attacked.

I sighed.

I was so tired.

I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing and my thoughts were guided by things I could never have. Slowly these things shifted into something else.

Something, I wished I would never see again but recognised it immediately.

The thing that hunted me in my first night as a being.

"Rest in peace", it said. The monster inside me screamed and raged.

"I CAN HEAR YOU.  SHUT UP. YOU'RE KILLING ME. PLEASE" I screamed again.

But it didn't. Shattering and damaging it crawled its way up to my heart until I sank to my knees. Tears running down my face. My nails grabbed into the mud in front of me.

"STOP IT" I begged but it didn't.

Merciless it turned my inner upside down and destroyed me. Until I felt lonely and empty.

Even more than before.

The sunlight fell around me and I looked up. The surrounding was in a fertile green, except for a one meter circle around me. The ground was burned and a mess, soaked with my own blood and tears.

No one would see this.

No one would see how damaged I really was. They'd all see the love-sick girl, searching for a solution to save whatever there was left.

I'd go on until it would have enough. So until ever. And every day I will loose something again. A nice memory for example. And blood, always this much blood.

I smiled.

The monster jumped inside me, pushing the smile aside and replacing it with pain and agony.

"NOT AGAIN" I cried. "Not again, please."

But it wouldn't listen to me like always before. It would drink and take as much as it wanted even though it was more than I could spare.

And suddenly there was Ana again. She was pleading for help, chained to metallic sticks, blood dripping from her face.

"Please" she mourned. "Please, safe me..."

I jerked up.

A dream. A freaking dream. Ana was okay, wasn't she?

Soft tears were falling down my cheeks. Ana wasn't here and never would be.

But the feeling, that what I saw was real, it didn't leave.

I stood up, looked around but without seeing anything. I walked over to Tim, shook his shoulder and dragged him to his feet.

We had to go on.

I had to.

"Wake up, please. I have to go" I whispered. The slow feeling of not being alone crept deeper into me.

He groaned but stood up eventually.

"Okay" Tim said. "This way."

But before we could go anywhere, movement came into the trees around us. Water splashed and soaked me.

Shivering I grabbed my sword but it was too late. Hundreds of shadows were around us, hissing and stabbing with blades.

The fog circulated faster around us, leaving me no change to really see anything. A hard body jumped onto my shoulders and before my sword pierced his head, it's blade stabbed my shoulder, causing me to stumble and fall.

Everything went pitch dark. I tried to scream for Tim or Ana or anybody but without real success.