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IV

ENTRY 1.IV: JUNGKOOK
October 25, 2010: 18:47
Jungkook sat at the table sulking yet again, but this time, he made sure to try hard to hide his uneasy feelings from his family, worried that they would ask him what was wrong. Thankfully, he succeeded in doing this. His family never noticed. Since his dream last month, these fearful sensations hadn't left him, and it didn't seem like they were going to go away any time soon. His new fears made him fragile, delicate, and sensitive to everything and anything around him. While around others—which he was now more often than ever now that he was approaching the time where he was beginning to get involved with music—he let this gentleness overtake him, fearful that the version of him from his nightmares would end up revealing itself uncontrollably.

There wasn't a doubt in his mind. Jungkook was being fueled by some spawn of Satan that he had almost no power over. It made him fearful of himself and everything around him, throwing him in his own little cage of insecurity all just so that it could gain power.

But why me? he would ask himself whenever these thoughts crossed his mind. Why did it choose me? What does it want?

This wonder and many more like it filled his mind for the past month, and he was unsure as to if he would ever receive an answer. For a while, Jungkook was convinced that he'd never know the reason, that he'd never know why this spirit decided to take shelter inside of him. He wondered it now while he sat aimlessly poking at his dinner, and he knew that his feelings were finally beginning to become more and more obvious as the minutes passed.

Insults to himself suddenly filled his mind, replacing these wonders with labels and other uncomfortable thoughts.

Evil...

He shook his head lightly to get these thoughts out of his head, but he did so to while trying not to grab anyone else's attention.

Coward...

He dropped his utensils suddenly, observing as his hands began to violently shake.

...Freak...

"Ggukie?"

He regained his senses and looked at his mother with concern painted across his face.

"Are you alright?"

Something was happening. A surge of some indescribable feeling had suddenly arisen inside of him as these thoughts made their way into his head, and he didn't know what it was.

Jungkook stared blankly at his mother for a few long seconds, staying silent until he gained the strength to respond truthfully.

"I..."

He paused. He suddenly felt like he was going to throw up.

"I...I don't feel too good..."

In the next moment, Jungkook's body was arched above the floor, shaking uncontrollably like he was having a seizure. He ached all over, petrified with fear. It felt as if his whole body had fallen asleep on him. He couldn't move no matter how hard he tried, and whenever he did gain the courage to try, it only made the aching worse. He yelled aloud in a disturbing shout of agony that could've been easily heard for miles if he weren't indoors; this experience was already worse than what he'd experienced when he first earned his wings.

What is happening to me?

His family cowered behind the entrance to the dining room, unable to look at Jungkook's state or to listen to his shouting.  They all cried endlessly for him, having been left terrified by what they were witnessing. From the few seconds that they had seen of Jungkook's suffering, they all quickly assumed that he was being possessed, but they couldn't bring themselves to believe that it was true. Jungkook's parents had known since before he was born that something about him was different. Is this what it was? What was going on? Would he be alright?