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ENTRY 1.V: JUNGKOOK
October 25, 2010: 20:01
The image of the sky above the vast overcast of clouds against the colorful, twilight horizon stuck clear within Jungkook's mind. Every time he took himself willingly that high above the clouds, it filled him with overwhelming happiness, making him forget all of what may have been troubling him at that time. With this past sight sitting crystal-clear in his head as if he'd never left the sky, he'd thought that that would've been enough to rid his mind of everything that had happened just earlier. His venturing into the sky just then, though, came to no avail. That was the reason why he'd returned home so quickly. The thoughts were bothering him more than they should've been.

Jungkook had been sitting in his room for over an hour now, the only light around him being the dim glow that came from his wings. He sat there waiting anxiously and patiently for the bad things to suddenly escape him for good just like the spirit had, but he couldn't get over the thoughts in his head that told him that the stigma of his experiences would never leave him like he wanted them to. He also couldn't get over the odd suspicion that that wouldn't be the last time that he'd ever see this spirit.

How would I see it again? he thought to himself in worry. Can it live in me more than once?

His gut told him that no, it couldn't live in him more than once, but his mind said otherwise. It told him that he couldn't label any possibility as impossible anymore, not with everything that he'd seen over the past two years.

Somehow, though, it didn't take long for his gut's suspicions to overtake those in his head.

Why was he worrying, then? Jungkook continued to ask. Why did he still have the feeling that those times wouldn't be the last of many of the nauseating moments that he'd experienced? What more was his conscience trying to warn him of? And what if his gut was wrong? The answer to any of this, he concluded, he'd probably never know.

In some way, it seemed like none of what he'd just been released from would ever end, as if there was still some piece of that spirit left in him without him knowing. With this in mind, Jungkook couldn't help but believe even more that his worries about hurting those around him without meaning to would never leave him alone. It was without question: he was still evil, even without the spirit in him, but this was all only what he believed.

Maybe this all would never end, he thought. It seemed almost unavoidable at this point to admit to himself that he would most likely be stuck in this fearful state forever.

The other side of Jungkook, though, told him that he didn't have to live in such fear like he was just then, that he could live fearlessly and not have to worry about hurting anyone by accident. For some time, he wanted to keep these beliefs from overtaking his preexisting ones so that he wouldn't go on carelessly thinking that he had nothing to fear in this world, but something in him desperately tried to tell him to look at the bigger picture, to actually consider what this other side of him was hinting at. So, he did. He began trying to understand these things that his mind was trying to tell him, and for a little while, he didn't think he was going to succeed.

Then, he got it.

Jungkook would never be able to live fearlessly. The same went for every single person around him. No one can live fearlessly, no matter how hard anyone tries. His fears were undefeatable, he concluded, but it would be a waste of his time to go on believing that he could hurt anyone as bad as that spirit had hurt him. It had made him powerful, sure, but his power wasn't at all destined to be used for any of the same things that it had used its own for.