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IV

ENTRY 2.IV: TAEHYUNG
April 4, 2009: 23:54
Taehyung had never enjoyed hospitals. The smell of the various chemicals constantly around him always made him feel sick to his stomach. This time, though, being at the hospital felt different to him for an obvious reason that he didn't have to think about. It almost felt as if he were the one getting cared for, despite sitting right next to the two people that actually were.

He sat alone next to Youngsoo and Eunmi where the curtain between them should've been, holding their limp hands as they laid in their beds unconscious, bandaged, and hooked up to all of the various forms of medical machinery around them. Their family sat against the walls on the opposite side of the beds, grasping the other free hand of their child and sobbing in sorrow at the sight in front of them. They left Taehyung alone, knowing well that he wouldn't have wanted anyone to talk to him anyway. He was stuck alone thinking aimlessly about what he'd witnessed, what he'd done. If he'd only paid attention, he thought to himself, they all wouldn't be here right now.

"Why are you so goddamn careless?..."

No one heard Taehyung as he muttered those words quietly to himself. The doctors around him were too busy chatting and observing diagrams to notice him speaking out loud.

Through concentration, Taehyung was able to catch onto some of what the doctors were saying.

"Major loss of blood...deep glass wounds....damage to vital organs..."

He only caught onto the most important words in the conversation, his sense of interpretation fading from him as his mind continued to go blank. He felt that by now, he should be getting tired, hoping just a little that his eyes would soon willingly surrender themselves to sleep, but now, it seemed that sleep wouldn't hold any part in Taehyung's mind tonight.

He squeezed onto their hands tightly, worried that they would be gone anytime now after butting into the conversation of the doctors. He began sobbing again at this sudden, yet painful realization. The tears ran slower this time, allowing him to stay quiet and not cause a disturbance.

If I really am supposed to be an angel... he thought to himself as he cried yet again, then—

The sound of the first flatline struck his ears with a sudden painful tone that made his head throb.

It was the sound he'd never be able to get out of his memory, the sound that would echo in his mind forever afterwards, and the sound that scarred him for life.

The direction of the sound came from his right.

"YOUNGSOO-AH!"

He wasn't afraid to cause a disturbance anymore. That single sound of his friend leaving him was enough of a disturbance as it was. It continued on for what seemed like forever, only burning a bigger hole in Taehyung's mind the longer it rang.

Taehyung's now free hand tightly grasped the armrest of his chair, yelling out as if he were trying to make sure Youngsoo knew his pain. His tight grip had caused the many small scabs on his hand to break open and start bleeding again, leaving small stains of blood on the cushiony part of the armrest.

This is when Taehyung came to realize the truth that came from all of this. The dream that they had all made together almost a month ago would now never come true, and it was all thanks to him.

The doctors had all rushed over to Youngsoo after the tone struck, taking an immediate effort to bring him back to life.

The second and final flatline came after Youngsoo's third shock from the defibrillator.

He was alone now. That was it. He was stuck.

Taehyung yelled louder, hoping that Eunmi would now hear his cry as well, beginning to sob harder than he had all night. He brought his free hand back over to Youngsoo, having let go of it after he died, and sat slouching forward in his chair, looking to the ground. It almost seemed as if in their grasp, their lifeless hands were holding him up, keeping him from falling out of the chair. The ringing was all Taehyung could hear, the tones of the two flatlines clashing with dissonance and making his head ache more than it already was. It filled the room with sound, a painful sound that no one wanted to hear. It was a sound that brought suffering to anyone that managed to hear it.

As if people were finally beginning to recognize his presence, a few stray doctors made their way over to Taehyung in an attempt to comfort him. Their comfort did nothing to help him. He continued sobbing, his tears falling to the floor below him as he cried helplessly for his lost friends.

He felt empty, alone, and frustrated, not with anyone else around him, but with himself. He felt like he could break another ten more windows just then, but he knew even that wouldn't bring him to be at peace with himself.

Youngsoo is dead. Eunmi is dead.

You killed them, Taehyung. You did this...

You...

That was all he could bring himself to think. All he knew or could come to realize was that he did this; he killed Youngsoo and Eunmi.

The emptiness inside of him was like none he'd ever felt before. Just a week ago, Taehyung was at his happiest, discovering all of the new things he would have in store for his future with the help of Youngsoo and Eunmi. They seemed to be only a foot away from living their dream. They were going to have such a good life together.

Now, they were gone. That foot had turned itself into a thousand miles right in front of Taehyung's eyes in less than a second.

He killed them. He was the angel that committed one of the worst sins possible, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't do anything about it.