untitled

V

ENTRY 4.IV: HOSEOK
January 10, 2008: 18:04

080107
Diary,
The results of my decision didn't come out well...
They turned out to be the worst they could've possibly gotten, actually. I don't want to explain all of it here because I've been so sad about it that telling it now would make me feel even worse than I already do. I promised that I would tell the outcome to you though, so here it is, except it's very simplified. I did something really really bad without meaning to. I'm alone now. The only thing I have is you, I guess. I'm not sure if this means that I'll come here more often or not, but in any case, please wait for me. I'll be back soon enough.

                                       See you then,
                                                       Hoseok

"Hoseokie?"

His mom's gentle knocking and sweet voice brought him out of the world inside of his little book that he'd been stuck in for the past 5 days. She entered his room slowly so as to not disturb him too much and sat down on his bed next to him, resting her hand gently on his shoulder to comfort him. Rather than looking at him as she did so, she glanced downwards towards the floor as if she, too, were just as solemn as he was.

Though he wrote that entry 3 days ago, Hoseok couldn't stop reading it over to himself. He constantly felt the need to remind himself of what he did. It seemed like it all happened forever ago now. He'd spent such an unusually long time alone at home that his perception of time was drifting away from him, having already lost track of what day of the week it was. He couldn't get over anything: what had happened, what he did, or how Ruyoung was left changed forever as a result of his reckless actions. All of the days went by without a trace as Hoseok's life suddenly became nothing but a blur.

He was evil for doing all of that to Ruyoung so carelessly. He knew it all too well.

His mother sighed after that long moment of silence; Hoseok had almost forgotten that she was still sitting next to him.

"Are you doing alright?"

Hoseok didn't respond. She should've already known the answer to that question.

"I'm sorry...I-I shouldn't have asked that..."

Yet again, he remained silent.

His mother's breath sounded shaky as if she were uneasy sitting next to him. Her free hand fidgeted with her pants as she continued to ease him, giving more and more evidence towards the presence of nervousness in her persona.

She sighed yet again.

"Hobi-ah?"

He looked at her with attentive eyes, knowing from the tone of her voice that she wanted him to listen to her say what she was about to say.

"I..."

She bit her lip, struggling to find the right words to say to him.

"I know this may sound a little odd to you, but promise you won't overreact?"

He nodded silently, his eyes wide with curiosity.

"Hobi, I-I've known about this...thing...of yours...your whole life..."

His attentive gaze suddenly became shocked nervousness.

"What?"

How does she know? I never told her anything about it. Does everyone else in the house know, too, then?

She took her hands away from her pants and Hoseok's shoulder, and she traced a finger from either hand directly over the scars that his wings left on his back. Hoseok winced at her touch, not in pain, but rather in some indescribable way. It was almost as if this touch had suddenly significantly weakened him. His scars had, over time, become his main sensitive spot. Therefore, any touch on or around his scars made him feel this way.