Undercover (Larry Stylinson)

39. i can't save you

"Hey, Ni. Look who I brought with me," Harry said, smiling as he entered the visitor's room. His boots tapped quietly on the ground, followed by the pitter patter of Toby's little paws. 

Niall's face lit up and he darted across the visitor's room, nearly tackling Harry as he pulled him into a hug. Then he knelt down, giving Toby a pat on the head.

"He's perfect, lad," Niall replied. "Didn't think you would get one so soon."

"Thank you," Harry replied with a chuckle. "Louis helped me pick him. He still needs a bit of training but so far he's helped me through two flashbacks."

Niall nodded and Harry got a good look at his face as the two lads made eye contact. Niall's chin was traced with dark stubble and his blue eyes looked warmer than the last time Harry visited. It seemed that his complexion had improved as well; he wasn't so pale and lifeless looking anymore.

"You look a lot better," Harry said softly. 

"Thanks," Niall replied. He stood up, leaving Toby to curl up on top of Harry's shoes. "I feel better - we got the meds sorted out, so I feel less sleepy and out of it."

"That's great," Harry replied with a smile. "And you've been eating well, yeah?"

"Yup," Niall said, flashing Harry a toothy grin. He looked down and patted his stomach. "Up another six pounds. I'm actually starting to feel hungry again."

Harry smiled at Niall, his eyes squinting at the edges. He was glad that Niall was feeling better, that he was finally getting his health back. The lad had been to hell and back and now there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel. Harry couldn't stop beaming.

"That's awesome, lad," he said, patting Niall on the back.

"Thanks, mate," Niall replied with a giggle. He knelt down to pick up Toby, who was currently chewing on his shoelaces.

Harry shifted his weight from foot to foot, trying to decipher the heavy feeling that suddenly entered his stomach. Seconds ago, he was feeling happy for Niall. Why was he randomly feeling so off?

Then it hit him. 

Niall was doing well. But Louis wasn't. And that's what was killing him inside, that's what was making his stomach twist in knots until he wanted to double over.

In the past week since getting Toby, Louis had been doing very poorly, barely even trying to keep his food down. He wouldn't eat much at meals to begin with, and Harry heard him gagging in the bathroom on more than one occasion. 

Hary looked at Niall, his face tensing a bit. "I wish Louis would start to get his appetite back," he said softly. 

"Oh yeah," Niall replied. He set Toby down and took a seat on the couch, inviting Harry to join him. "What's up with Lou?"

Harry shrugged and put his elbows on his lap. "I don't remember if I told you, but he has an eating disorder. It's really bad. He passed out a few weeks ago and they saw he has an ulcer from purging... so he's on medication and he needs to eat more but he keeps starving and purging..."

"Wow," Niall said. His voice was deep, gravelly. "I'm sorry. That's a lot to handle. Poor lad."

"Yeah," Harry replied. "Yeah- He's in a lot of pain and I don't know how to help him. He says he doesn't want to gain more weight. Because he thinks he's fat... like... he won't let me touch his waist or anything... always complaining he's too bloated."

"Oh..." Niall began, rubbing his chin. "Louis isn't fat though.... he would look fine if he gained some."

"That's what I always tell him," Harry replied. He was shaking now, overcome by emotion. This was the first time he was telling these things to anyone, aside from Liam, who already knew the circumstances of Lou's condition.