Undercover (Larry Stylinson)

31. i wish i could stay

"Hey, time to get up! Today's the big trip," Harry said knocking on Niall's door. "Back to New York."

Niall opened the door, clad in dark washed jeans and a red flannel. His face looked serious, eyes dark and mouth tight.

"Actually, Harry. I'm not going to New York," he said, lugging his suitcase out to the living room.

"Why are you packed then?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm going to check myself into rehab. In Boston," Niall said. He looked into Harry's eyes, waiting for a reaction.

Harry blinked back at him, his emerald irises swirling in confusion. "Okay. That's a really big step for you. I'm... I'm proud of you. Do you want me to drive you?"

Niall shook his head. "I have a bus ticket. It's only two hours. I um, I appreciate everything you've done for me Harry. But it's clear I need more help.... my therapist recommended this place to me and I really didn't want to have to go. But things aren't getting any better."

"That's... I understand," Harry said. "I'm so proud of you, Niall."

Niall dropped his suitcase and pulled Harry into a hug. He could feel the taller man softly weeping into his shoulder and he turned his head, hoping Harry wouldn't be able to feel his tears as well.

It took a ton of contemplating and planning, but Niall had finally decided this was best for him. He had to get his life back together and couldn't keep living in daily fear of another flashback or violent outburst.

That didn't make the decision any easier. Niall spent the whole night crying as soon as he realized what he had committed to. But he realized he had a whole team of people counting on him to get better. Harry, his family, his friends back in New York, his coworkers, his therapist. This wasn't just about him - it was about them. It was about becoming well enough to go back to work, to be a good friend, to attend family events.

It was about being whole.

"Im gonna miss you," Harry sniffled. "I'll visit as much as I can. How long are you there?"

"Um. Three months. Maybe more maybe less," Niall said. His voice was raspy, like it pained him to say these things aloud.

Harry pulled away from the hug, putting a hand on Niall's shoulder. "You're gonna be great, okay?"

Niall nodded, trying to hold back the sob forming on his lips. "Thanks, Harry. It means a lot to me."

"And you'll tell me where it is? Visitors hours? When you get there safe?" Harry asked.

"Of course, mom," Niall chuckled. "I'll send you all the information. And I'll text you when I get there safe. Thank you for all you've done, really."

"You're welcome, Ni," Harry said. "You know I would do it a thousand times over. You're my best mate."

"You're my best mate too, Harry," Niall replied. "Sorry to cut things short, I just have to head to the bus stop."

"I'll drive you," Harry offered, running to the kitchen. He returned with a granola bar and a banana. "You didn't have breakfast."

Niall took the food, smiling weakly at Harry. "Thanks."

"Oh... do you not want it?" Harry asked.

"I'll try to eat it later," Niall said, patting his stomach. "My appetite is still really bad."

"Oh okay," Harry said leading Niall out the front door. "Let's get to the bus stop. You'll be back before you know it."

"Yeah," Niall replied. "Hopefully."