Undercover (Larry Stylinson)

44. unbearable

Harry's POV 

Breakups are always painful. It's never easy to lose someone you love. To watch them walk away and never come back. 

But at least most breakups involve closure. They involve some sort of conversation. Or - if the person's really shitty - a text message. 

I didn't even get the latter. 

Five days ago, Louis left Massachusetts without telling me. I had no idea he was gone until I noticed he had stopped responding to my texts and calls. On the first day, I figured he was just anxious, but by the second day, I stopped by his house to see what was wrong. 

When I got there, Liam answered the door. 

"Oh," Liam said as we made eye contact. "I meant to call you."

"Is Louis okay?" I asked nervously as I rubbed the back of my neck. 

"Y-yeah, he's fine," Liam replied, though his face fell as he said it. "Why don't you come in?"

I nodded and followed him inside. We took a seat on the couch and Liam turned to me, pursing his lips. "Louis moved away. He moved to San Francisco. He's doing a rehab stint there."

The words hit me like a fast moving cargo track. "Oh. That's.... glad he's getting help. When will he be back?"

"He's, um, he doesn't think he's coming back," Liam replied. "Said he's going to look for work out there when he gets done. He, um. He didn't want me telling you where he went but I figured you would ask..."

I felt my heart rate triple. "What do you mean he didn't want you telling me?"

"Dunno, mate. He seems to want to cut ties with everyone here. Me included," Liam said, shrugging his shoulders back. 

"W-what?" I asked. "But he loved me - last time I saw him he told me he loved me. We were laughing and cuddling. What do you mean he doesn't want to see me again? I'll go visit him... what's the name of the centre? You know what... it doesn't matter. I'll look them all up. I'll go to them all...."

My thoughts were forming faster than the words could come out of my mouth, but I didn't care. I felt more frantic than I ever had before. Was this really happening?

"Harry," Liam said, reaching out and putting a hand on my shoulder. "I don't think that's a good idea. I think he needs his space."

"No!" I nearly shout. I remove Liam's hand off of me, jumping up from the couch. "No, he doesn't. He needs me. He's sick and I didn't take care of him well enough. I'm the worst boyfriend.... the fucking worst.... I should kill myself..."

"Harry!" Liam yelled. He grabbed me by both of the shoulders and looked me straight in the yes, his amber irises glowing beneath the overhead lamp. "This isn't your fault at all. Louis did this for himself. He was really sick for a long time. He's also been wanting to move for a long time. It wasn't you."

"But... but why did he leave me then?" I stammered. 

"I don't know," Liam replied. "I don't know, but you have to respect his decision Harry. Maybe he'll change his mind and come back. But for now, he needs his space."

My eyes begin to soften and I feel a tear stream down my cheek. "Alright. I guess I'll go home then. Thanks for, um, letting me know."

Liam nodded, letting out a heavy sigh. "Are you gonna be okay, Harry? I'm always here if you need anything."