Days With Zion Dawsey

30. Who to blame

"Hi honey." Sheryl Dawsey said once she saw Bonnie and her son step into Bonnie's living room. River was already asleep when the two arrived. It was around 2 a.m.

"Hey." Zion kissed his mother's cheek and watched her embrace Bonnie after.
"Thank you so much for taking care of River again. I'll make us some tea." Bonnie said, really grateful for Sheryl in that moment. Especially when the woman stopped Bonnie from walking into the kitchen.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll make us some." She smiled warmly at the two before disappearing into the kitchen. Zion watched Bonnie sigh and turn towards him.
"Can you give me a minute, I just want to check up on River." She said and then left to look after her son, leaving Zion alone in the living room.

He sighed and sat down on her couch, the memories of the night of his birthday rushing back into his mind. He shook those thoughts away, trying to concentrate on what was happening now. He didn't know why the miscarriage was such a big deal for him. Maybe it was because it was also a part of him that died and he didn't even know.

"Can I get you something?" Bonnie asked as she stepped into the room after she made sure that her son was safe and sound. Zion stood up again and looked at her.
"Just answers." He responded.

Bonnie took a deep breath and nodded before sitting down on the couch. Once Zion sat down next to her, the two turned towards each other. Bonnie really tried to keep eye contact, but she couldn't once she realized that he really cared about the miscarriage. It made her sad and her voice started to shake.

"Well, I found out a few weeks after we first had sex." She said, looking down at her trembling hands. Zion followed her gaze and frowned upon seeing her that unsure and nervous. He sighed before covering her shaking hands with his warm ones.

"It's okay." He whispered when Bonnie looked up at him with such sad eyes.
"Well, the doctor said that there are multiple reasons for a miscarriage. But I knew I overdid it- meaning I was on a plane the whole time, going to one conference in Tenakis and then to another conference in Nonan. I didn't take a break and it was stressful for both me and the baby." She closed her eyes.

"That's why I kind of left work as soon as I found out I was pregnant with River. I didn't want a repetition of what happened." She shrugged, feeling her cheeks moisten. She brushed her tears away and sighed again before looking up at a glaring Zion.

"That's exactly why I didn't tell you." She said, pulling away from him when she thought his glaring meant that he was blaming her.
"I knew that if I told you, you'd either be the heartless asshole that I knew back then. You'd either blame me or don't care at all. So don't-"

"Don't care at all? Are you serious? You'd think I wouldn't care about my baby dying in your stomach? You might've been the one carrying him, but I made him too. You think I'm a complete fucking robot or such a monster that I wouldn't give one shit about my child?" Zion angrily yelled, standing up. Bonnie gulped at the fury in his eyes.

"It's funny, because you were the one coming up with the contract, remember? And now you say I am the fucking monster? The heartless asshole that doesn't give a shit about anything and anybody?!" He exploded, pacing in front of her. He shook his head.
"You think I'd blame you for a miscarriage?" He calmed down, looking at her again.

"I don't blame you at all." He said, sitting down next to her again.
"You're not to blame for that, no one is. Who knows, maybe even if you did take a break he would've-" He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't want to.
"Zion, I'm sorry." Bonnie said, touching his arm. Zion shook his head and then frowned at her again.

"No, I'm sorry." He said, causing her eyes to widen in surprise.
"I know I can be an asshole. And I know for a fact that you've gotten a lot of that when we first met. And I was rude and mean and all of that." He gulped, cupping her cheek.

"I was rude too. I know I-"
"Let me finish." Zion interrupted her apology.
"And I might have not wanted children or a family back then. But I would've never done any of the things that you thought I would." He finished, his thumb gently stroking her cheek.

"I didn't make it easy for you to trust me, I know that." He scoffed sarcastically.
"But you didn't make it easy for me either." Zion brushed a strand of hair out of her face.
"I know, Zion. And I'm sorry too. I'm so sorry." She whispered, still crying over her lost child and all the time she has wasted with the contract and the bickering with Zion.

"It's okay." Zion responded and pulled her in for a hug. The two embraced for a while, neither of them wanting to pull back. They each felt the need to stay with the other and accept what happened in the past. It was a special moment for the pair as they forgave each other. And once they did, they accepted their other emotions as well and realized what they've been avoiding all along.

"I should go home." Zion said, pulling away. He stood up and Bonnie mirrored his actions.
"Already?" She asked, making Zion chuckle.
"It's like 2:30 in the morning, I should take my mother home." He said, walking towards the kitchen.

"Oh, of course." Bonnie said, following him into the kitchen. They laughed once they saw Sheryl laying on the kitchen island, fast asleep.
"How did she even get up there?" Zion shook his head, gently shaking her shoulder. Sheryl woke up with a groan. Her eyes went big once she realized where she was.

"I am so sorry, I didn't want to disturb you guys. So I just waited and I guess I got tired." Sheryl said, slowly sliding off the kitchen island with her son's help. Zion shook his head.
"No, I'm sorry. I totally forgot about the time. I'll drive you home, come on." He said, leading her outside to his car.

Once she was safe in the passenger seat, Zion wanted to get her back to her house before she would fall asleep again. But he walked up to Bonnie, who was leaning against her front door frame to watch them leave. Her heart started to race when she realized he was coming back.

"I was wondering if I could-" He didn't know how to ask her, but Bonnie immediately knew what he wanted once she saw him glance at the direction of River's room.
"Of course." She interrupted him, making Zion bite his lip from smiling again. He passed her and almost ran towards his son's room.

Once he reached it, he slowed down and stopped breathing loudly, afraid he would wake River up. He carefully and slowly approached the boy's crib. Zion finally let his smile come through as he got a glimpse of his sleeping child. River had a pacifier laying next to his opened mouth. His lips were puckered up as if he was still sucking on his pacifier.

Zion stepped closer and took a hold of that blue pacifier. He gently put it back into River's mouth. The boy took it but moved, making Zion hold his breath completely. River only turned his head to the other side and then continued his peaceful slumber. Zion smiled and then walked out of the room only to breathe out in relief.

When he walked back towards the front porch, he saw no sign of Bonnie. He wanted to look for her and properly say goodbye but he also wasn't sure if he should. So he only left, knowing they already kind of said goodbye.