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Right now, I feel numb all over.

My dad is dying from lung cancer.

I know we had our rough patch but never did I wish death on him. We didn't always get along but... I just don't want him to go.

Right now, I'm in a guest room at Grams place. I'm wrapped up in a blanket and I'm up against the head board.

Maybe if I didn't leave for 5 years, we'd be closer and he wouldn't have lung cancer. Maybe he'd be able to spend time with his grandkids.

Maybe...

I sighed as I felt the tears coming back. I couldn't hold them in, I started crying. Hard. I pulled the covers over my face just as someone opened the door. I hope it isn't Ciara or Carter. They don't need to see me like this.

"Jay u ok?" Rasheen asked, sitting next to me. I couldn't even answer him. He didn't ask anything else though, he stood up and walked out leaving me alone.

"Please don't go" I said, my voice cracking.

"I'm getting Kidd"

"I don't want him"

Rasheen sighed "Stop Jay. U know u want that man in here, stop being stubborn"

Few seconds later, Kidd walked in. He kicked off his shoes, pulled off his shirt and took off his pants leaving him in basketball shorts.

He didn't say or ask anything, just climbed under the covers with me and held me. And I can honestly say, That's all I needed right now.

For Kidd to hold me.

I snuggled closer to him and made sure I was holding on tight.

"U wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"My dad is dying from lung cancer"

"Damn ma, I'm sorry. I didn't know, I thought he was fine" his arms wrapped around me tighter " U gonna go back and see him?"

"I don't know. If I go to soon, I'll break down again. If I wait to long, he'd probably be d-"

"I understand" Kidd said, cutting me off. He must have knew I didn't want to finish that sentence. "But on real shit, u should take Ciara and Carter to see him. They should see their gramps before he pass and he should see them u know?"

I nodded and wiped my tears as I sat up. His hands were now not touching me "I just don't want them to see me cry"

"Jay, everyone cries. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just be sure to handle it, silent tears until your alone"

"Thank u for being here with me. I know I said I don't want any relationship with u but you'll always be the one person I come to when I need someone"

"No problem Jay, I got u whenever u need me" he said as a small smile spread across his face.

A knock came from the door and I moved away from Kidd, as Carter and Ciara walked in. They jumped in bed "Y'all had fun with Sheen and daddy?" I asked.

Ciara gasped while putting her hand on her chest "So much fun mommy. We did everythingg"

"Mommy, I was driving" Carter said "Me and Sheen. Daddy and Ciara. Sheen and me win too"

"Nu uh, mommy he lie. Daddy and me win"

"Noo, mommy say no lie. Why u lie?" Carter said, crossing his arms over his chest. I couldn't help but laugh at his face. "Mommy u cying?"

"Not anymore"

Ciara and Carter sat next to me "What happen? "

"It's not important. But we're going to see someone special tomorrow"

Ciara with her dramatic self, gasped "It's the easter bunny. I know"

"Nu uh, it's Santa. Right mommy?"

"Your both wrong. We're going to see my dad" I told them.

"U have a dad?" Carter asked with a confused face.

Kidd and I laughed "Yes, mommy has a dad. Everyone has a dad" Kidd said.

"Ciara and me have dad. Daddy have dad. Mommy have dad. Right?" Ciara asked, I nodded. "U have mommy too mommy?"

"Ok, that's enough." Kidd said picking them up and throwing them over his shoulders "Y'all hungry? "

"No" they answered, laughing.

"Ok, y'all taking a bathe then it's bedtime"

"Daddy no"

"No daddy"

"Stop, I said bath then bed. So that's what's going to happen, understand?" Kidd asked, sternly.

"Yes daddy" they said at the same time. He jumped up and down as he walked out the room, Ciara and Carter laughing loud.

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